What Excites Us!

Episode 15 - Chronic Pain & Sex with Angel Rowe: His personal and professional story

Transcript:

Gwyn  0:00  
Was it your dominant arm that got injured? Unfortunately, yes.

Angel Rowe  0:04  
However, I refuse to be right handed. But I have worked up the skills and I still do try to write and type and everything like that with my left hand and I find it's good physio for myself to work through it

Gwyn  0:25 
Hello, and welcome to What Excites Us the show that discusses sex and sexuality throughout time and place, including the here and now. My name is Gwyn Isaacs, I am a certified sex coach and educator, and today I am talking with Angel Rowe. He is also a sex coach who trained at Sex Coach U, he serves on the diversity board with them now, he trains dogs and he lives with CRPS known as Crips, which is the complex regional pain syndrome. This is a personal and professional conversation. We discuss some of his strategies for coping when he was first diagnosed and struggling, how using his non dominant hand has helped him reframe touch, breathwork, sensate focus, how practice helps and so much more.

This episode is going out ad free, which is how you can hear every episode if you choose to support me on Patreon for only $6 a month, you can click the link at whatexcitesus.com Or put patreon.com/whatexcitesus directly in your browser bar because it is an adult oriented show. You cannot search us on Patreon we do not show up. 

So let's do this officially. Welcome to What Excites Us! Thanks so much for coming on the show. I super appreciate it. Tell us a little bit about who you are and how you got here.

Angel Rowe  1:55 
Thanks for having me. My name is Angel. I am a certified sex coach and certified sexologist and I am a complex regional pain syndrome warrior. I have Crips in my left arm from a workplace injury that I got in 2017. 

Gwyn  2:16  
What is CRPS?

Angel Rowe  2:17
What it is, is I am continually in pain. The original injury we're not exactly sure what happened when I was lifting a piece of tubing something in my arm I felt a pop. And after that, like my hand swelled up and it was in pain 24/7 after that, we went through various different like diagnostic tests. I think I've seen about five specialists now different kinds of physio and just life skills in that sense. And yeah, the pain doesn't really go away. It started originally just like my hand and my arm and it's up into my upper arm, my neck and my shoulder now and into like the actual chest and shoulder area. And so like when you actually research what Crips is, is there's a whole bunch of different definitions, you're in pain 24/7 And most of the time the pain is exaggerated compared to what the actual symptom was. So like a flick on a normal person's arm might only be like a one or a two and a little sting. A flick on something with somebody with Crips might be a nine or 10 and put them out for a week.

Gwyn  3:19  
That's intense. So you've had to change everything about your life.

Angel Rowe  3:24  
Yeah. Pre injury, it was a very active person. I did CrossFit. I loved hiking, I was into rock climbing, like caving, I did dog sports, biking, anything, I would try it. I worked on the rigs at the time of getting injured. I was just starting my studies with SCU I was also a professional dog trainer and just getting into the world of sports.

Gwyn  3:48  
Real quick SCU is Sex Coach U, which is where I trained and how I know Angel.

Angel Rowe  3:54  
And yeah, nobody ever prepares you for like the loss of use of a limb. That's what happened like where I'm at now and being able to like grip stuff and hold things in my hand and like hold on to this like that's four years of progress and doing fine dexterity movements and physiotherapy to get there because when it first happened, I couldn't even move my fingers for a while. Like, between the pain and the swelling, it was excruciating. And it didn't really make sense. So knowing what I know now it kind of makes sense why like it hurts so much to move and that's one of those things that like the pain, I guess all the therapy and the pain management skills come to help because it's always gonna hurt when I move it but it's one of those double edged swords it hurts worse if I do not think it hurts worse if I do too much. So you got to find like that fine line in the middle.

Gwyn  4:41 
Wow, that's an extreme sense of balance. You're starting to be a sex coach or you were in training when you had the injury.

Angel Rowe  4:50 
Yeah, so I just started my studies at SCU, I think I was five or six modules and when I got injured, and yeah, so that put a damper on my studies for a long time there. [I'm] very thankful for all the staff at SCU and Dr. Patty, because she gave me numerous extensions. I mean, I started in 2017. And I graduated in 2020. So I'm very thankful for all the extensions they gave me because it was, it was a battle relearning how to live in that sense, the consistent fatigue, the brain fog, the not being able to get enough sleep, the having to try to learn how to focus through having all that pain, like some of the modules that I started taking took me like three or four attempts just to get through it and reading. And I still have days like that, but it's getting a lot better. It's been, like I said, it's been an uphill battle, but it's getting a lot better now. Like, I can retain information. I don't have as many memory problems I do. But I don't, you can tell what I'm having worse days, because you'll not only hear it in my speech, but you'll notice that I'm not retaining things, or I'm repeating things a lot, because to me, I'm exhausted. And that's all I can muster out of me at that point.

Gwyn  6:03  
Does the pain flare equal the other symptoms flare? So like, if you're in more pain, are you having more brain trouble? Or does it is it just catches catch can?

Angel Rowe  6:12
It varies, so I got a flare up a couple of weeks ago, because I had a occupational therapist come out, and he went to go take a measurement on my arm, and he squeezed it just enough that it caused it to flare up. And I was out for about three days. And I don't even remember those three days, I was just out in pain, my arm swelled everything like I'm still coming down from it, you can see how it's all cracked and like dry. And that's what it does. And I don't really remember those three days, I've been like going through my daily routine cycles, it just kind of goes into like, auto mode. But he asked me to do something cognitive, it wouldn't have happened. And so yeah, definitely, when I'm in a flare up, or the pain is worse, it makes things a lot harder. That's not saying it's not impossible, it just means that I have to work like five, 6 million times harder to get myself to that point to be able to do it.

Gwyn  7:04  
Or does it go the other way? Do you have brain fog or other cognitive issues when you're not having a lot of pain

Angel Rowe  7:11
To a degree. So like today, I've already had a life coaching session. And I'm a little worn out from that. So I'm not as sharp as I wasn't my life coaching session, I can tell I'm getting to the end of my day, and it's only one. So I can kind of tell when it starts to come on. And that's that's a good indication that I'm starting to get fatigued. Although sometimes it does happen in the middle of I could be in the middle of a conversation and all of a sudden, something will just trigger it and I'm gone for a few, or I won't be able to recover from it. I have to stop what I'm doing. And I've had to do that a few times. And it just is what it is. Like I'm learning not to feel guilty about that, because it's something that I have to do. 

Gwyn  7:53  
Yeah.

Angel Rowe  7:54
And yeah, to be honest, I didn't even know what Crips was until I ended up with it. And we thought maybe it was a muscle sprain or a strain or something like that, and then maybe a tear. And then it took a few specialists later and a whole bunch of really painful tests. And they finally came back with you know, this is what we think you have. And it can be that sudden onset. Some of the doctors and specialists I've talked to, you know, people who have like bang their hand on a wall and that bang was enough to trigger their brain. And it caused CRPS. The big thing they say is early intervention can actually put you into what's called the regression stage where like, you could actually be at a low pain level to no pain level and actually function. So they got me into like a eight week program and we did physio like crazy, but then the mistake was made that we didn't continue with it. And when we stopped continuing with it, everything went back and went back faster. And then that plus all the other stress in my life trying to help spread it a little bit faster than that because I'm more prone to stress injuries now. I get stressed very easy, and I feel it a lot more emotional. So when people say feel your feelings. Yeah, I can do that. [laughs] Like I feel stress. I feel things a lot differently than I ever have before because I can feel it in my arm a lot sooner than I could ever feel it in my body.

Gwyn  9:16 
Oh, man, I don't think that's what they mean. [giggles]

Angel Rowe  9:19  
Yeah, I got I got that one wrong. I got the definition a little bit later on how I was supposed to do that. But I figured well like superstar this. [laughs]

Gwyn  9:29  
Before the injury and when you first started going to SCU, what were you thinking you were gonna do with that? Did you have like a purpose? Like, I'm going to do this so that I can do this? Or was it just sort of a vague this seems like the right thing to do.

Angel Rowe  9:42  
I fell in love with Dr. Ruth when I was a kid and I really liked what she did. And that's what I kind of foresaw with this, being able to be on my phone and like just chat with people about sex and come from an actual educated standpoint versus just somebody being like, look, I can talk to you about sex.

Gwyn  9:59  
I've worried If something really catastrophic, like what has happened to you happens to me that I would just fall to the negative side of life. I mean, I'd like to think that I wouldn't, but I know that I probably would, at least for a little while. [laughs]

Angel Rowe  10:12
I did. I mean, I think it's, I think it's normal. I mean, I had a couple of really rough years. I mean, between feeling like a failure cuz I wasn't doing my courses, I was so overwhelmed all the time, fighting the WCB systems, that way I could get help. And just trying to like navigate life again, like it was a lot. And I turned into a lot of somebody that I never wanted to be for a while there and then getting the right mental health help and getting the right medical attention that I needed. Like we're four years into this. And I'm finally have that team in place now. You do go through a really rough phase. I think that's where my dogs came in handy to keep me out of it, because I use them a lot as physio and having to be busy with them all the time. And doing that kept me focused on something other than myself, and gave me all those little wins that I felt good about, because it was like, cool, we did this thing.

Gwyn  11:09  
Tell me about your dogs. 

Angel Rowe  11:13 
So I have two now I have Dratini, who has been dubbed the diversity dog by SCU. And then I have Evie, both of them are American Staffordshire Terriers, they both show we do sports real heavily, they are a huge part of a program that I'm working on.

Gwyn  11:33
I love that, that sounds really, really fantastic. So you mentioned that having them helps you do physio, like it's almost therapy for your body.

Angel Rowe  11:44  
I mean, no matter how bad my day is, I always have to get out of bed because they have to go out. And I always have to do their food, which gives me something that I have to do. They're very good about just laying around and doing nothing when I have bad days, which I'm very thankful for. But on good days and stuff, they get me up and active. We do training sessions, we go for walks, it gets my hand moving, because I have to work on dexterity when I do things like put their sweater on, put their vest on, get their booties on and when it's cold, even just handling their leash, it gets me actually using my hand a bit more. So it's nice because no matter how bad the day is, I have something that gets me up and moving. Because if I don't move, it gets way worse. So they work really nicely that way. And they're just really comforting, like both of them are really good about if I have a bad day, all they want to do is snuggle with me, and it makes the day so much better.

Gwyn  12:45
Okay, steering back to the sex stuff a bit. How do you manage? I mean, especially with it being your dominant arm that's injured, just I mean, just for personal pleasure not even thinking about with a partner, how, how do you manage?

Angel Rowe  13:04
It has taken some creativity to figure that out. [laughs] Toys have been a good friend. I've had to find toys that work, especially because like, again, I don't really use my left hand for self pleasure. And I don't use it much when I'm in the bedroom anyways, because it can't put a lot of weight on it, and vibration and stuff like that causes pain. So I have to be careful what I do put in that hand, right? Double edged sword in that sense. It took a little bit of creativity to figure out A how to use my non dominant hand, which also led to like a lot of self exploring, and I guess reframing touch. Because I've never really used my right hand to explore myself. So it's been like an interesting relearning of myself almost from a different perspective. I've had many times where I've sat there and laughed at myself going, That was ridiculous. What are you trying to do? Like, you're not a teenager anymore. That's not how that works. You should know this by now. [laughs] Give yourself those pep talks. But it's taken just some creativity, like when I have had sex. And the worst part was after, it's like you almost go euphoric in the middle of it, and you don't really notice the pain as much. But after coming down off that high, it hits almost 10 times harder. So I haven't really figured that one out yet.

Like I haven't really found that same drop after self pleasure. And it can because it's less vigorous and less active and less movement. You know that way or like I said, like, it's like you're tickling yourself. It doesn't really work, but it does at the same time. I know like the orgasms are very different partnered, to not and that could be too, just the intensity of that. But what I do know is like the high is kind of take the pain away, I can see why people like BDSM in that sense, you can control the atmosphere and I could see what the highs are all about that sense, but you can get lost in them very quickly and when you come down, it hurts. Because yeah, it is it's it's a nice euphoric feeling, not to have that pain be there as intensely. But oh man, when it comes back, you feel like you get so used to a certain level of stuff that when it disappears, yeah, it feels good. But when it like, comes back it punches ya. [laughs]

Gwyn  15:13  
Wow, I almost want to go assign people to do that, you know, use your non dominant hand to feel good and see what happens. 

Angel Rowe  15:20  
It's weird. It is so weird. Like the first few times it was like, okay, like, I can't figure this out. Why is this not working? Oh, what the hell's going on. So it was one of those kind of step back, take a few breaths kind of thing and be like, you know, let's go back to our sensate type focus, you know, let's start this without it actually being sexual. To make it sexual, let's have a little bit of fun like, and see it because even now, like touching myself with my left hand, not sexually, but even like touching myself with my left hand, it's a different sensation than it used to be. Because through my arm, I feel it more like static. And through my body, I feel it, like the actual touch sensation. So I get two different sensations at once. So it's, it's really weird. Whereas like, with just my right hand, it's just that static sensation of touch and touch. The closest I could probably say is make your hand go numb by sleeping on it, and then try to touch yourself and see how that feels. Because that's probably about the closest that I can come to describing what it actually feels like.

Gwyn  16:26  
Sure. And I'm sure that's not anything close to what it actually feels like. But I get that. Yeah, that's. So are there things that you can do to help ameliorate any of this, when you're having sexual pleasure, either with yourself or with a partner? Are there like tips and tricks that you've stumbled upon?

Angel Rowe  16:46
Lots of communication! You can't be scared to communicate. I mean, that was something that I got blocked on when I was with a partner. And there were other reasons to that, too. But I've had to learn to like talk myself through things. Because every now and then I'll do something that'll trigger my arm to think that I'm a threat to it. Then all of a sudden, I can feel it start getting tight. It's like, Whoa, we're cool. Like, we were just doing this, it's fine my friend. Like I talked to her like it's its own person. So lots of communication, especially if you have a partner, like talk to em, let em know what you're feeling. Especially if you do suffer any kind of chronic pain because it switches so quickly from being feeling good to hurting. And it could be something as simple as you just twitched wrong. So you have to communicate. I use a lot of breathing exercises that took a long time to learn, I couldn't really get the grasp on it at first I'm like I'm breathing like I don't understand. [laughs] So it took a little bit of figuring out how to actually breathe, which is something that a lot of people miss that learning part. I really liked that Breathwork app that you could get, because it taught me a lot about breathing. Like everybody was like, get into mindfulness, I'm like this, this doesn't work. Like you need to explain to me the signs of this because this is not working. I don't get it. Like I can visualize all this stuff. And it's just not doing anything. So I found like that Breathwork app and walking me through that. And then I like sensate focus, just that, stepping back and really, really more so focusing on feeling and touch versus the goal of actually orgasming and that that's your bonus. But all that touch on the in between is so important. And I find that that's really helpful versus the sitting there and being like, I'm in pain and we're trying to have sex and I just need to get off instead. It's that sitting there and being like, yeah, you know, I'm touching my shoulder and it doesn't hurt it actually feels good. That feels good there too. And actually focusing on it. It gets my mind out of my own. Head on its own from focusing on this side of my body going Hey, like I don't like this.

Gwyn  18:50
What breathwork app, do you know the name of it? 

Angel Rowe  18:53
Yeah, it's called Breathwork. 

Gwyn  18:55 
Oh, okay, easy enough. 

Angel Rowe  18:56
And I like it because it walks you through how to actually breathe and then they have something for everything. So they have stuff for like excitement and calming down and anger and things like that. So they have different breath routines that are supposed to trip your nervous system to do exactly that. Calm down and breathe and reset, refocus. I didn't, I didn't understand the power of breathing either until like everybody kept telling me practice breathing exercises. I'm like, Hey, I'm breathing in there, my nose out through my mouth. Hold it a few seconds like what's going on? I'm still getting oxygen. I don't feel any better. Like I probably feel a little lightheaded now. [laughs and Gwyn giggles]  And I tried a few of those like, you know, follow this follow that. It's like it's not clicking. So I really liked this app because it does it walks you through the different breathing things and it gives you something to focus on and work with. So you actually kind of learn the how and then it's got like a little bit of here's the why. 

Gwyn  19:50  
Yeah

Angel Rowe  19:51
But yeah, the breathing is so important. And yeah, the communication both of those go really hand in hand because if you start going into like a pain episode and need to stop for whatever reason, you need to be clear about that. And you could come back from it just again, changing your focus and starting to breathe and work through it. And that's I've been there a few times by myself where I've had to like stop and like, calm myself down work through it. I'm like, I'm not quitting now. Like, we're halfway here. Let's go like what restart [laughs]

Gwyn  20:25  
Because sometimes you really do just need to get off. Like that is, that is indeed a thing. Your body sometimes just needs to have an orgasm. In small one big one, whatever. They just sometimes you just need that. And that's, that's okay, too. It's important, I think to recognize that we have sex for lots of different reasons. Orgasm is the one that gets all the the big play. Yaknow. It's what we think is the important part when we're kids, basically young people going into it. But as we get older, we start to think about all these different other reasons like oh, I don't know, intimacy? [laughs]

Angel Rowe  21:07 
Just just enjoyment.

Gwyn  21:09
Just pleasure, because it feels good. Yeah. So tell us a bit about sensate focus. I don't think that's something that most people know about.

Angel Rowe  21:19
So I don't know a lot about it. I'm just learning about it myself. It refocuses more so on the touch, so you're focused on the feeling of the touch and the actual pleasure coming from that not so much anything else. So it's almost like that cross of mindfulness of a sexual way, right? Like you're feeling where they're touching you and how that makes your body feel. And you're noticing that sensation. So like when somebody touches your shoulder, and it gives you that like shivers down your spine, like you're noticing that. And you're recognizing it, you're recognizing like your body's next steps going on, like, you know, I want to pull them closer, or you know, I want them to move their hand down. And you're recognizing that that's what your body's actually saying. But there is like a whole process to it like is that I'm pretty new to learning about it myself. And I like to refer to the book lots to go through. But there's like a whole actual process of steps if you want to get into it. And there's people that are actual train practitioners and teaching such. I just like going through the book and being like, yeah, this makes perfect sense. So let's try it out and see how it goes. And yeah, even just that so much as noticing like, how the feelings of touch or making your body feel and where else you want to be touched and where it's moving through your body. And, you know, those warm, fuzzy feelings are that oh, that gave me that weird like butterfly anxiety type feeling like, that'll just brings that intimacy and connection closer when you start having sex or even when you start touching yourself, because you'll know hey, you know what I don't like my elbow being touched, it makes me feel weird. So we're gonna go touch my hip, right? [laughs] But it gives you that sensation to where you have a better understanding of yourself and know, hey, you know what, I like this versus that, which makes it easier to go to your partner and be like, Yeah, you know, this is what I want to do.

Gwyn  23:13  
What I'm hearing about ways to navigate sexual pleasure while experiencing consistent chronic pain. I'm hearing communication is key. I'm hearing, shifting your focus to whatever's happening in your head to actually feeling the feelings that your body is experiencing the pleasurable feelings, can you manually shift away from the pain?

Angel Rowe  23:38
it takes a lot of work, like me just sitting here trying to like take the fact that my arm is sore away. I'm distracting myself by talking. 

Gwyn  23:47
Gotcha. 

Angel Rowe  23:47
It's always kind of like in the back of your head going, Yeah, Ow, that hurts. Stop doing that. But you kinda like distract yourself a bit. And that's kind of where that brain fog and fatigue comes in. It gets a lot harder to distract yourself when you're a lot more tired and exhausted. And you definitely can while you're in the middle of pleasure, be it yourself or somebody else. It just takes practice and that honesty within yourself too. It's not going to come overnight. It's not going to be that instant. Yeah, you know what, I followed their hand tracing down my spine, and I still felt my arm. So I gave up right? Like it takes you got to try it a few times and be like, you know, I was able to get there for like three seconds this time. Let's go five next time, right? It's a build up, it takes some time to get there especially with chronic pain because it's always there. It does become just a normal sensation in that part of your life. So you kind of get used to it so trying to block it out becomes a little bit more difficult. Because that pain almost becomes your friend and that sense. I can recognize when I've done too much, I can recognize when flares are coming for the most part, that doesn't mean that they don't sneak up every now and then but I can tell because my arm pain will change, which also tells me that I need to go rest or that I need to stop what I'm doing and reset or see what's going on, or go take my meds or stuff like that. So you can't 100% turn it off. But you can kind of shift the framework from ow to yeah, you know what, I'd rather pay attention to that because that feels better. And really start like focusing on that, versus the pain.

Gwyn  25:20  
Sure, that makes a lot of sense. How long did it take you to be able to notice when things were about to go bad, that's fair enough.

Angel Rowe  25:30  
Um, it's kind of ongoing. As I'm in a no longer like hyper stress state, and I'm coming down from that I'm learning it a lot easier now. I can see a lot different when things happen. Like as soon as that OT touched my arm, I knew I was about to hit a flare up because I felt the tension build in my shoulder all the way down to my fingertips. And I knew that was it I was done. But the first time I had an OT out, and he touched my arm, I completely ignored the fact of that. And I just went, oh, my arm sore. So it's, it's one of those, you kind of start learning that that's your body giving you signals. Instead of just going it's acting up and being stupid, and it just hurts. [laughs] So it takes time. And again, everybody's is different in that sense for me, like I feel a lot of almost like a swelling type tension, it gets really tight. And that pins and needle feeling almost turns into more like a static electricity and sharper when it starts to go into a flare up. And that took a long time that understand that that's what it was actually saying is I'm like, we've overdone it. And I'm gonna actually go into a flare up at this point before I was just like, yeah, no, that's just pain. We'll just work through it. It's fine. We'll get get on with our day. And then I couldn't figure out why I'd be down for weeks. [laughs]

Gwyn  26:50
You're coming from a very active lifestyle where I imagine you're probably pushing yourself through the pain. Frequently, I mean, CrossFit, hiking, like all of these things to reach the the goal to have to retrain yourself to not do that sounds tough.

Angel Rowe  27:10
I've had to learn I have limits like I used to, I don't believe I was a superhero. I don't know I was the Energizer Bunny, you could not wear me out, I would go go go go go until I fall sorta thing. And now it's like I have that Energizer Bunny, but without the body and the stamina to do it. So to learn, you know, the art of pacing. They don't really teach you that. And I've always been like I said, I'll work four jobs, I don't care. And you'll still see me doing something else. Like I've always been one of those. I'm a hustler, the more I have on the go, the better. So having to slow down completely. It's been like a drastic lifestyle change. It's a good one. [laughs] But it's been a really weird one to have to get used to. Maybe if I was less active, it would have been different. But it's, it's been a flip of a switch in that sense.

Gwyn  27:57
Yeah, I was never the Energizer Bunny, I've always been on the slower end of the speed of humans, you know, whereas, whereas you had an energizer, I had like a generic storebought battery in my tortoise shell. [laughs] And even still, as I am aging, I'm 50 now and able to do less stuff, just because my body is aging and can't do as much stuff it's still frustrating to me. So I can only imagine the intense shift that you have been on basically for the past several years, trying to be okay with that, because our society puts all its value in production. You're a productive human, therefore, you're a good human. Which is a bullshit premise to begin with, but it is where we are and whether or not you actively believe that, all of us have internalized that.

Angel Rowe  28:57
It that's been a fun mental health battle. Like I'm very glad that I have a team of therapists I see to very regularly and a coach and I love them to bits like I don't know where I'd be without them at this point. And they've really reframed my mind. And even though I still have some days and battling go, I didn't do enough. I got up today and I'm walked the dogs. Today I've already had a life coaching session, and we did a training session and we're here. Like, that might not seem like much, but I did it and compared to my old life. That's not much, but I gotta live now. So I have to deal with the now factor, which is I did all that. It's only two o'clock. That's more than I've been able to do on some days. And yeah, that's definitely less than I could do on others. But that's what I did today. So that's what we're celebrating.

Gwyn  29:22
Yeah. 

Angel Rowe  29:25
And it's hard because I'm like, No, I got like all these plans and things that I want to do but I'm like, you know what, today this is enough and I have to listen to that. So it's it's hard to reframe your mind like that. And it's one of those things, you just have to like positive affirmations continually tell yourself, you know what, we hit this point we did it, we're here, we're good, we rocked it, I'm probably going to go for a nap after this, which means, whatever when I get back up if I do something sweet, and I'll celebrate that, too. And I'm more fortunate than most people have been. And I've made it this far. And there's some people who are just starting their journey. And I feel for them, like it's hard, but it's one of those, it does get better. You just have to keep fighting. And it's so tiring, but it does get better.

Gwyn  30:36  
Yeah, it sounds like practice, practice, practice, that you just you've got to accept where you're at, and practice. And eventually, you'll get to the next place, you want to be. And practice, and you'll get to the next place you want to be. And even if it doesn't happen at the speed that you want, if you keep trucking along, it will get there.

Angel Rowe  30:58  
That comes with the pleasure round two. I mean, the first few times that I had sex after I was injured, it was terrible. The sex itself wasn't quite enjoyed that the pain that followed horrible. And you don't really know how to deal with it, you're just kind of in this like pain state. So that's where like learning the breathing exercises and learning how to especially your nervous system. Like CRPS, your nervous system is one of the biggest things you have to learn how to regulate, and learning how to do that you can start slowly changing those things. And then again, it's practice. Practicing touching places where it doesn't hurt and slowly moving your way that way. It'll help reframe your brain a little bit to go, Okay, this is safe. It's it's fine. It doesn't hurt it. It's okay. Like we can calm down.

Gwyn  31:47  
Yeah, that's a really good tip. I think we should we? I. You. I think you should be sure to include that when, you know, when you're talking to folks about this. Speaking of which, I heard you have a great team, you have a couple of therapists and life coach and you know, medical thing. Are you in the place yet where you're taking clients and helping other people?

Angel Rowe  32:12 
Yeah, so I did open up on my website to take one on one clients, if they want to come chat with me. Like I said, I'm working on a program, I'm not going to give too many details. I'm hoping that it launches in 2022 early on. it's a three month program. In my style and fashion, it's going to incorporate dog training in it. [laughs]

Gwyn  32:36
But in the meantime, you are taking clients?

Angel Rowe  32:39
Yeah, I am taking one on one clients, if they want to chat, I'm more than open to talk about really anything. I mean, I don't care if it's even about your dog. [both laugh]

Gwyn  32:52
So so people who have chronic pain and dogs, definitely go talk to Angel who want to, you know, have better sex lives.

Angel Rowe  33:04  
Or just gorgeous relationship with yourself to, it really does take your self confidence away a lot at first. It's taken me a long point to be okay to talk and to actually get back out there with myself and be like, I can do things again. Because for a long time my only identity was pain. And that's not who I am. I mean, it's part of me, it's not who I am.

Gwyn  33:26
Yeah, that's intense. I hadn't really considered that at all. But sure, that makes a lot of sense. It's something that you do or something that you have, or something that is a part of you. But it's not the whole of you, none of us are ever the whole of a single word, whatever that word is. And for that word to be pain just sound so awful.

Angel Rowe  33:47  
That was my life for a long time. Like I like I said, I have a good team now. And I love it. Like my life coach has been amazing. The therapists have been really helpful. And that's something if you do suffer from chronic pain with you do need to good therapist on your team because the mental games that you play with yourself are horrible. But pain was an identity for me because that's, that's what my life was. And I had to really reframe and refocus on No, it's not. Me being a sex coach or me being a dog trainer, or the fact that like I've flown drones, I've been a wedding planner, things like that. Those aren't me, those are parts of me. Just like yeah, this sucks. The pain is a part of me, it's not me. And that reframes that a little bit too. Because I did I became a bit of a cranky asshole for a long time. A lot of overwhelm just life changes, not knowing how to exist my whole life crumbling, always being in pain and not understanding that with pain came the anger and the grief and the resentment.

Getting out of that headspace to learn that you know why it gets so much better? It does. Everything happens for a reason. So this has happened for a reason for some sort of lesson and I'm here to learn from it, teach from it and grow from it. And that's just it. I mean, it's been an adventure learning from it for sure. And it's brought things to light that I never even would have thought of. I've learned so much about like how something as simple as just being in pain can bring so much difference. Like I've never experienced anxiety or depression until I got injured and lived in a state of constant pain. I didn't know what that was, like, I was the guy on the top of the tower with a rig with a harness on and 100 foot rope going, let's jump, it's fun. To go, I don't want to go to Walmart, because if somebody bumps into me, my arm will flare up and not knowing how to deal with that. So it changes you. And it makes you learn a lot about yourself and learn a lot about things that you might not have actually thought about learning about.

Gwyn  35:51
Yeah, well, while I'm certainly not happy that this happened to you, I also a firm believer in things happening for a reason, although I do recognize that sometimes the reason sucks. But I think that the world is going to be grateful that you're out here helping other people in similar situations or completely different. I mean, I think that you have a lot of wisdom to impart. So thank you for that. Thank you. How do people find you?

Angel Rowe  36:19
You can find me at my website, Albertasexcoach.com. I do have a Facebook page. It's not really active, pain to pleasure coaching. I do have TikTok. It's mostly my dogs. That's just @Wolfyrain. I have one for sex coaching, but I don't use it. [laughs] We'll get there. We'll get there. 

Gwyn  36:41
Yeah, absolutely. And the last question that I like to ask everyone is, what excites you?

Angel Rowe  36:47 
You know, the joy and finding everything that I can do. I've never been somebody that quits or gives up. And if you tell me I can't do it, I'm going to prove to you that I can and prove to myself that I could do it twice. This is me proving myself I could do a lot because after I got injured, my life crumbled a lot. I thought I wasn't gonna amount anything or do anything. And in that time, I achieved some of the highest and hardest dog training certifications to get which I'm really proud of and I achieved my sex coaching certification. And now I'm going to do stuff with em!

Gwyn  37:18  
Beautiful. That's really beautiful Angel thank you so much for carving out this time and chatting with me. I really appreciate it.

Angel Rowe  37:25  
Thank you for having me. It was awesome.

Gwyn  37:30  
You can learn more about Angel Rowe at his website, Albertasexcoach.com
And if you want to see great videos of him and his dogs follow Wolfyrain on TikTok and Wolfy is spelled with a y. So it's W O L F Y R A I N.

If you enjoy the show, please be sure to subscribe, and tell a friend if you think they would enjoy it too. And if you can afford it, and please only if you can afford it, buy me a coffee, or support me on Patreon, which you can find links to on the website whatexcitesus.com.

Or if you want to learn more about me or becoming a client, you can do that at earthlydesire.com.

What Excites Us is produced, edited and hosted by me, Gwyn Isaacs, all music is used under the Creative Commons Attribution license this week that includes "The Vendetta" by Steven Kartenberg. And this is "I Think I Started a Trend" by Artemis Strong. Tickle dot life hosts this show and many others, and they have lots of great information in non podcast form too. Thanks for listening. I so appreciate you. Have a great day.