What Excites Us!

Episode 8 - Sexual Healing with Nannette Minley

Transcript:

Gwyn  0:00  
This show is about sex. So if you aren't supposed to listen, please don't.

Honestly, I've been talking about sex since I knew what it was like I'd be a dirty joke when I was 11. 

Nannette  0:30  
Downhill from there. 

Gwyn  0:31  
Right? Or uphill depending or up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down.

Nannette  0:37  
Oh my god. Oh it's a good morning already. 

Gwyn  0:39  
Oh my god, you guys, this show is so rich and juicy. My guest Nanette Minley, is a badass brilliant woman, and we cover a lot of ground in this hour. Nannette Minley is an erotic healer who guides visionary creators and magical folks through reclaiming their relationship with their body and sexual expression. She is on a mission to eradicate shame from sexual wellness and create a deeper understanding of the energetics of intimacy. Her website is thickmilfbaddie, and if you are listening to this close to when it is published, go check out the intensive program she is running starting Sunday the 12th on your orgasm, which I will link to in the show notes. But if you're listening later than that, it's okay because this is really, really good. And her website is thickmilfbaddie.com. I truly enjoyed having and editing this conversation. Although the last part was a bit tough. We talked for nearly two hours, and so much of it was so good. If you would like to hear the mostly uncut version of our chat, as well as all the other shows I do, you can become a patron at Patreon, that's patreon.com/whatexcitesus, and you'll get all access to all of the episodes. Because the show is adult in nature, you can't search for it inside of Patreon, you have to type the direct link, which is patreon.com/whatexcitesus. Speaking of which, I would like to thank Francesca for recently becoming a member. Thank you so much. It is such a boost. And it helps me to know that creating the podcast is good thing to do. If you would like to reassure me to please go to patreon.com/whatexcitesus. Couple more things about this episode. It was my first interview in a very, very long time. And I hadn't yet remembered some important things, things like not interrupting the guest and checking levels before you start. And introducing my guest on the microphone. Tried to fix most of it. But please cut me some slack for the rest. Also as a little bit of context for you Nannette and I have never chatted in real time before and we were jiving so well. That at times we got very excited, which makes sense for this show, doesn't it? Anyway, you'll get to hear all of that right after this.

Gwyn Isaacs [ad]
This episode of What Excites Us is brought to you by me! I'm Gwyn Isaacs, and besides being your podcast host, I'm a certified sex coach and educator. And right now I have some openings for text based clients. I love coaching over email and text. It allows you to be open and vulnerable in ways that may feel too difficult in person, which lets us tackle the concerns you have at your own pace. Very few of us were taught how to have sex. Most of us are feeling our way through the dark hoping we get it right. I can help you build skills in the bedroom and navigate your intimate relationships. I have two ways you can sign up to start texting with me right away. When you go to earthlydesire.com/coaching you will find a weekly subscription for daily correspondents and a way to schedule a live one hour text chat. Visit earthlydesire.com to start on your path have more pleasure today. You deserve it.

Leah Carey  4:46  
Hey friends I'm Leah Carey inviting you to listen to Good Girls Talk About Sex, where I interview everyday women about their sex lives.

Speaker 1  4:56  
You know I want to be like pushed against the wall like in the movies. 

Speaker 2  4:59 
This feels good, but do I look fat?

Speaker 4  5:01  
That always turned me on. But I don't think I've admitted that to my husband. 

Speaker 5
Have sex with women, highly recommend

Leah Carey  5:07  
Good Girls Talk About Sex is here to remind you, you're not alone. And your desires are completely normal. Listen in your favorite podcast app today.

Nannette  5:19 
I've changed niches so many times, and suddenly here we are adjacent now. So like, that's very cool. I like that.

Gwyn  5:25  
Fucking love it. I think that's fantastic. 

Nannette  5:27  
When I when I first met you, you I mean, you've always talked about sex, but like, 

Gwyn  5:32  
It's true.

Nannette  5:33  
I didn't even think I was allowed to talk about sex the way you were talking about sex. So that's why I'm excited to talk to you. I'm like, you had as much to do with my journey as you know anyone else. But like I was really stood in their values for that kind of thing. And that really helped me be bolder. So

Gwyn  5:51  
I'm completely and totally verklempt. By that, thank you.

Nannette  5:56  
Oh, it's like one of those things that you never know who's watching, you never know when the work that you're doing is going to mean something to somebody else. There's no timeline for how that works. It's just how it works. A lot of my work around sexual healing has been specifically like decolonizing, and destigmatizing and de-, like, the dogma from religious, you know, upbringings and stuff like that. It's a lot of the work that I focus on. Like, why are you even ashamed of that? Do you even know? Why? Do you even know? And they don't. They don't. It's just like, all societal, like baked in and people don't even realize why they feel the way they feel.

Gwyn  6:43
Totally. Tell me more about that. What is it like helping somebody else through that?

Nannette  6:49  
Yeah, so when people do come to me for sexual healing, the main thing that I see is them not understanding their feelings. They're looking at it in such a way where like, I know, it's okay to wear a tank top or crop top, or I know it's okay to get like, you know, more, like more promiscuous, more comfortable with my body. I know that intellectually, but I'm having a hard time really moving in it. And I say, there's a there's probably some energy tied to some beliefs that you didn't even really fully consciously adopt. You just adopted it by proxy by default through society through the way you were raised. So I asked a lot of questions about how they viewed people who they perceived as promiscuous or sexual in their childhood and, and what stories they were told about that person. And, you know, what was like I asked them about the first time they remember being turned on, how do they feel after I help, I just asked a lot about that kind of thing. And it helps them realize that the shame is programmed, the shame is not inherent shame is taught and maintained. And it doesn't need to be if you realize that the shame is anchored in religious beliefs that you no longer you know, align with, then it is a lot easier to be like, Well, fuck it, I'm gonna wear what I want or do what I want. But people aren't diving deep enough there just still be like, Oh, I shouldn't, and society will support you. Society will support you, in your modesty, society will support you, because that's where it came from. It's like an echo chamber, you're like, Oh, see, like, people will judge me if I do it. And I'm like, people will judge you because they would judge themselves. Because someone told them, they should judge you. But if everyone didn't get that program, we wouldn't judge each other. We wouldn't do it. You know what I mean? And you have to just realize that that's like a in like, a ingrained, and taught, you know, worldview. And so I help people kind of distinguish their actual worldview from the one that they were handed.

Gwyn  9:00  
It's true. We integrate all of these things, and we have no idea where they come from, you know, and they're everywhere, even even people with really liberal upbringings, who can talk with their parents. If you walk outside and you see a billboard or on television or in your magazines, or we're all over the fucking internet. It's everywhere.

Nannette  9:22  
Yeah, my favorite actually very relevant. I drive down this freeway all the time. And there's a big billboard that says, shackled by lust? Jesus is the answer. Right? So there's a lot of like, Hey, you're failing. I know, right? I know, right? I'm all first of all, I enjoy being shackled. So back up, second of all. Second of all, who said I'm looking for a solution? Ya know I mean? If you enjoy being shackled, get shackled. If you enjoy being shackled, get shackled. Don't demonize yourself or villainize yourself for wanting that in the first place. Especially when we understand that a lot of these like does desires are primal, they are not logical. They are not, you know, even cognitive, they are just like, deeper in you, than your mind. And most people get really freaked out by that because their sense of identity is purely intellectual, not primal. They don't know, their primal self. So when they get this primal BING, they're like, whoa, what does that put that away? You know what I mean? Especially if it's odd. Especially if it's like, Man I would fuck my mom, right? Like, that's crazy to you know, in society. But if you stop and pause and say, okay, like you said, Do you really want to? Or do you just want some of the, the experiences that you maybe associate together? Like, like, the warmth, and like, the feeling nurtured and taken care of aspect of it? Right? Like, what is it about it that you actually want and then give it to you? And then give it to yourself? That part? Like, you know, that's what I help people do. And I love that you're calling this like, What Excite, you know, talking about exciting yourself, because, like, when you look at the word like it's to bring to life like arouse, like, wake up, like live, like fucking live, you know what I mean? And I love that, like, I love that.

Gwyn  11:16  
That's exactly it. That's it, I want people to figure out what excites them. Because so many of us are just completely shut down, like you were talking about with cultural, you know, and propaganda and the nonsense like, we have no idea even how to tune into what excites us. And so by offering 

Nannette  11:38  
We're just told this is what should excite you versus this is what shouldn't. This is another reason why the body positivity movement has, like, you know, done what it's done. All over. Finally, people are admitting to themselves that they like curves that they like, you know, love handles, they like my body. You know what I thought I grew up thinking no one liked my body. 

Gwyn  12:01  
Oh, my God.

Nannette  12:02  
I grew up thinking, don't jiggle. Don't jiggle, just don't jiggle. And now, people pay to watch me jiggle. And I'm like, I figured it out. I figured it out. I don't care. Anyone else has to say at this point, like, the one thing that I thought made me gross was actually the thing that everybody wanted to see more. And like, that's the biggest, like, for me, anecdote to remember, when people are feeling like, you know, there's no way that people find attractive or like, whatever they're feeling disconnected from, like their sexiness. I'm like, yo, I lived my entire life, thinking, people were repulsed by my jiggle, only to find out, only to find out after finally leaving my marriage and starting to make content and all that stuff that people go nuts for it, and they love it. And they been wanting to tell me. You know what I mean? And that's why I'm so passionate about this, because I, like wasted so much time hating myself.

Tell me about it. 

For what? They still love the jiggle, they love the jiggle. And that's the truth. Yeah.

Gwyn  13:16  
So what, so you have done a bunch of niches when I think when we connected you were working with just helping people market themselves and, and getting into themselves, which I can totally see the progression of how you got to where you are now.

Nannette  13:31  
I appreciate that sometimes I feel a little too enigmatic. And people are like, I don't get how it connects, you know, but to me, it's all literally, I'm passionate about connection, and like authentically living your life and not in the cheesy, you know, soft, conscious living way, but more like, Fuck when you feel like it, fuck how you want to, if you can't access what you want, sexually, then that's the tip of the iceberg. And there's a whole bunch, a whole bunch of stuff for you to explore in yourself. If you can't tell me what turns you on. If you can't tell me what your, like sexual preferences or anything of that nature. That to me is a big like, you know, it's pointing to the fact that you probably don't know what you want in a lot of other places. And that is, to me a big waste of life, like live like, make yourself happy, like who else is gonna do it?

Gwyn  14:29
So walk us through how you started helping people marketing, which again, I totally see the connection to how you're helping people find themselves sexually.

Nannette  14:42  
Yeah, so when I was talking about marketing, I went through a couple of different niches within my marketing world. I started with like artists, creators and stuff like that. Then I worked with coaches. And then I went really hard into like working with spiritual healers, and that kind of brings me into what I would like to talk about today, which is sexual healing, like sex magic, specifically for healers, people who do work in the intuitive space. So my journey to kind of catch everyone up is I connected with the power of consciously creating your life. Like I love artists, because they create, I love coaches, because they work around like, hey, change your life, right. But I, above all, I see the sacredness of conscious creation and how beneficial it can be for people to walk that kind of path for themselves. And so I because all the all the clients I've helped and all the different people who have hired me, I have learned so much from my clients, including things in this topic, including things about sexuality and all of that stuff. And so, when I was working with intuitives, I started to realize that there was kind of a problem in the industry, where healing is highly intellectualized that concept of healing is, like so mental, so inaccessible for people who are not like philosophers. People, people who are not, you know, who don't enjoy, enjoy the mental spelunking like you and I would write. So it's hard, because there's just people who are just talking back and forth, and back and forth, about the same few things. And the healing was only going to a certain depth because it was intellectual. So that's like, really, the problem that I was seeing is like, I have all of these people who are stuck on this, like merry go round of healers, where they're just going, and they constantly feel broken, and they constantly feel like there's more healing to do, because it's not deep enough. It's not going into their primal nature, it's not going into their body, it's not going into their sex, it's not going into their they're not even connecting it with their sex. It's so far removed. And it's like, Yo, your sex is your lifeforce. Your sex is your, your connection with creative energy as a concept, right? Like, if the separation is is a big deal to me, right. And um so in the moments that I would feel disconnected, I would see how it manifests for myself, because I pay attention to that kind of thing. And it became so clear to me how people are so disconnected from the expression of it from from even playing in that energy from even I put a post up where I was like, would you rather have a five minute quickie, or a five hour argument with people and so many people are like, I can't fuck when I'm at like, I can't even do it. I can't go into a quickie when I'm at and I'm like, alright, that's fine. That's fine. But like, if you had a process to connect with your partner, and said, Look, I'm feeling all kinds of weight right now. I kind of want to chop your head off. I think I will feel better after orgasm. Can we? You know, Can we try it out. If you can meet your partner there, no matter the situation or circumstances or whatever, even if you're mad at them, especially if you're mad at them, right? If you can meet your partner there, then you can get the energy move through. And that way, when you're communicating, you're doing it consciously, you're actually solving the problem, not just shifting blame, not just venting, you're actually moving towards a solution with your partner, and there's no damage done, of like all the things that you say when you're worked up, because it's needing to go somewhere, that stuff can't be unsaid, it can't those that that damage is done, that impact is made. And so like, to me, I feel a lot of people are destroying their relationships by being verbally like, you know, venting like that, instead of centering themselves first, however, they're gonna do it, I think sex is a great way to do it because it builds connection and builds a bridge. And even if you just go to like, take care of yourself, it builds a connection within yourself, you know what I mean? Like, you just need to connect to something so that there's a way for that energy to come out without burning everything down. So that's kind of my journey, like I walk through all of that stuff. And so I started helping with people with like, their, their sex, their relationships and stuff like that at the end of last year. And that has been so fascinating. I have had an opportunity to witness so many different little moments like interactions between couples, specifically when I do their couples, like in person retreats, watching how the communication is going back and forth and then saying it back to them like Oh, did you notice the body language when you said that, like just helping people become more aware of how their impact of like, where their how their their language and how their communication is actually affecting the dynamic of their relationship. And channeling a lot of the healing into sex so that it can be primal. So that it can be, you know, physically engaging and not just intellectual, and so that you can actually heal together, like, in community. So that's my schpeel.

Gwyn  20:16  
That's amazing. The world is happy to have you. We're honored. How? How did you settle on? Okay, so I wrote it down. So I wouldn't forget sexual healing for energy workers. How did you settle on specifically wanting to work with people who are working with energy?

Nannette  20:37  
That's a great question. I love that question. So I feel that you know, and if anyone has been following me for any amount of time, I've always been talking to healers, like for a long time, I've always been talking to the people who feel resonance with being in this world and not of it, being here to create a new paradigm to move things forward, right to evolve species. Very much been speaking to that crowd for a long time. But I really, I really wanted to focus on this because healers are stuck in that merry go round, that I said that merry go round that people are stuck and healers are there to the only people who are hiring healers right now are other healers who are just circling back through each other, which is fine. I'm not judging any of it. But, but I feel that healers who are not using their entire being, are massively like burning out their intellectual capacities, because they're only using their brain to do healing work. When healing work channeled through the entire body would be way more effective, they'd be able to regulate their own nervous system in a better way. Right. And I and I'm actually, like really passionate about this, because there's so many people who would be powerful healers, if they would actually do their sexual healing work with themselves. Who who would step into a boldness, who would step into competence who would step into, like really, truly their creative lifeforce energy so that they can go guns blazing. And that's where it comes back to marketing because a lot of people weren't marketing their healing business, because they weren't really fully connected with it. And they're just doing it like they're, they're operating on a willpower that's intellectual rather than oriented in the fucking gut. And that is what I'm trying to change or, or work towards, is, you can use all of you, you can use all of you and you will feel better resourced. And you will feel like you have way more stamina, and you will be able to move the energy through you so that you're not creating weird codependent weirdness with your client, which we've seen many times in the industry too many times. So like your, if you're using your body to regulate your energy, which is another version of you know what I'm saying? AKA sexual healing is all just using your entire body to regulate, then you're not, you know, you're not, you're not like cutting yourself off from your own power. And then you're able to do your work longer, better, faster, more efficiently.

Gwyn  23:22
So tell me about the program you're putting together.

Nannette  23:26  
Yeah, so the the program is, is basically sex magic for killers. And I'm gonna focus on empaths too like, I'm putting empaths in with this because it's the same thing, in that in that stage is being able to use your whole body to hold space for your emotions. Using your whole body to hold space for your emotions is how you survive as an empath. So many people have as and as a healer too, so many people have like pushed people away or attracted people who are numb, or or emotionally unavailable, or whatever, because their big feelings are too much. The big feelings are too much for the empaths and for the disembodied healers, that is just no drama, right? But the thing is, that in order for you to really, like get into the nitty gritty of healing work, and even with like your own life, your own healing work, you need to be able to hold space for big feelings. You need to be able to put your feet on the ground and say, I'm fuckin raging right now and be there don't dissociate. Don't go somewhere else. If people are not, you know, using their whole body to regulate these emotions, then what happens is they're creating like a short tank, a small tank for themselves. So they're having to replenish all the time. They're having to like put themselves back together all the time. And they're not they're not anchored deep enough. So the sex magic is going to facilitate that. connection with yourself, like, help you feel like, okay, I don't have to hold all of these emotions in just my head, or just my heart, you know, however you're looking at it, I can put this anger in my feet, I can put this sadness in my legs, I can use all of me to move through it. And then you start to become, you know, you're less reactive, less emotionally reactive  less, you know, moved by things. And not in a stoic way, though, that's the thing. I'm anti stoicism, it's like the same but different, because I want you to be there and be unaffected, but in it be like, it shouldn't drive you to react is my point like, you should feel it without reacting it. So I'm going to help people work up to that with their own body, like it's all solo play in that one, but I am working eventually, on some other courses, that will be like multiple people involved and stuff like that. But this first one is, for people who understand that their body is magic, that their body has the capacity to support them in their healing, and in their own personal healing and healing with others. And they want to harness the power of the body in it to increase their effect, like their effectiveness and their power as a healer.

Gwyn  26:27  
So, so you want to teach people how to be a conduit, as opposed to just letting something hit you and not knowing how to cope with it? Is that, am I getting that?

Nannette  26:39  
Yeah, yeah, like, conduit and more specifically, like, being able to stand in the center of, of a very difficult situation and be able to hold space for yourself. So that you so that the repercussions of that don't get worse, right? So if, if you have a tough situation, and you can't hold space for yourself, then what happens is a like a chain reaction of just shitty shittiness, right? Do you freak out, there's if someone reacts to you, you react to them, you just like, right, it takes you off your center. So I want people to be able to pause, just pause and be like, Alright, I'm not going to use my voice or my body or whatever, to vent this out for a second, I'm going to feel it, it's my thing to feel. And then I'll be able to hold space for a solution after I hold space for the feelings that are coming up in response to the problem, right? Because we're just so wired to dissociate, even at the beginning, you're talking about people don't have like, really an attention span. And that's truly because we live our life avoiding negative feelings all the time. Even boredom, we avoid boredom, we avoid discomfort in any capacity, we just avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid, and we can there's constant noise or somewhere else to look, there's something better to watch, there's something better to feel right. But we do ourselves a disservice because we're not, you know, training our body and our nervous system to be able to handle the emotions. And for people who are highly sensitive, like intuitives. And healers. And empaths. This is a big problem, because what would be our greatest power, which is feeling, right? The if you're an intuitive, your greatest power's feeling. And if you're not using your whole body to feel, then you're kind of like doing yourself a disservice. And it's an unsustainable way to go. Because you're not sustaining literally, you're not sustaining yourself like that.

Gwyn  28:44  
That is something that I've seen from you, from the beginning, is that you, you tend to want to work with people who are behind the scenes per se, sort of, because you want them to go out and do bigger work in the world.

Nannette  28:59  
Yeah, a lot of people are, you know, unconsciously hiding or just kind of not really moving with the conviction. And sometimes that can sound a little harsh, you know what I mean? Because I'm like, you know, get off your ass kind of person. But where it comes from for me is that I know that the person I'm talking to is going to feel such a sense of fulfillment, such a, such a delicious ownership over their experience. And that's what drives me is like, everything you want to do is possible. The things that you want to do are possible. You just have to do the work in the middle. And this is the work in the middle, the work that everyone wants to avoid the the scary tense, awkward. You don't want to talk to anyone about it. There's probably trauma there, you know, statistically speaking, right. And all of that is it's a mess. I get it. Like I get that it's a mess. But you got you That's it. My point you got you, if you learn how to hold space for yourself, even in the middle of triggers, and I can talk about that, I can talk about that I have severe sexual trauma, like not just little, like severe multiple occurrences I've worked through, so so much, and I still get triggered, and I still have moments, and I know what to do have a process. So I've really come at this from so many angles, I've, I feel so strongly that if people are willing to just sit with their emotions for a little bit at a time, it'll get easier and easier, they'll be able to better resource themselves, they'll stop exporting the responsibility of their happiness to their partners, which will create a better relationship, which will allow them to do the work that they're here to do. You know, and if those things go unchecked, if your if you know, your, your the things that need healing, they go unchecked, then it always shows up, and you can't ever really outrun it, and it just keeps getting bigger and more compounded over time, if you don't look at it. So I'm like, let's just look it's okay. You know, and I thought to myself, if I open that can, I might not be able to shut it. That's what I would tell myself when I would feel the call to go do some sexual healing, like, especially 2016. I was like, feeling it 2017 had a Kundalini awakening didn't know what it was. And it was happening. I was like, suddenly, I gotta fuck all the time. Like, it was working right through that. And then also, at the end of my marriage, my husband had no desire to none, I didn't fuck for like two years, while I was having my Kundalini awakening. So like, can surprise me can surprise me is my point. Like, I've come at this from so many different angles. And the people that I've worked with already are like, showing they can definitively state I want this, I don't want this in bed, or otherwise, you know what I mean? And that's what that's what the beginning of it all is, is knowing what you want, being able to listen to yourself and say, Oh, this feels good, this doesn't feel good. And learning to advocate for yourself. Those are all steps in this journey as well. And really important ones.

Gwyn  32:20  
So when you work with people one on one, or maybe even in the groups that you create, do you help them identify their own processes for how to deal with their trauma when they get triggered?

Nannette  32:32  
Yes, yes, I help them by first helping them identify when it's coming. That's like the first thing. So like, whenever they they tell me what's up, you know, something happened, or whatever I'm like, Alright, let's stop, go back. Let's transport time travel. What was going on right before this? And then right before that, and we start to like, notice patterns. Did you eat that day? A lot of times, we get triggered because we haven't ate, or we've had too much coffee and too little food, or there's a lot of different things. And this is why I asked these questions, because sometimes people will make up these full stories about their partner's being the worst. And I'm like, you were just hungry. You were just hungry. And then it got out of control. It spiraled in a whole crazy direction, right? So we help people figure out like, Okay, if you're feeling this way, here are some things that, that you know, help you right? What helps you feel better? What gives you some reprieve, even if it doesn't make sense? You know, we do a lot of dance parties. But sometimes it's not a dance part. Sometimes you roll yourself in a fucking blanket, and smoke a joint. And that's it.

Gwyn  33:36  
I love that one of the things that I wrote down while you were talking was use body equals sexual healing. And I love the way that you brought in food and sleep. And, you know, just feeling in your body. You know, just..

Nannette  33:50  
No fences. 

Gwyn  33:51
Yeah, absolutely.

Nannette  33:53  
I love working with the senses. I think that honestly, before I really was talking about sex, I was talking about sensual. And, and I went and I kept talking about sex because the taboo is actually the point, right? The taboo is the point the fact you know, it's all ironic, you get it. But really, the sensual is a perfect predecessor to that because you become aware of the sensations you're feeling. And like most people are so numb, that they don't even realize how numb they are. It's like, do you see how green the trees are? Do you smell that? Like, no, no, anything? Well, no, like, smell, taste, feel like, we have these senses, and especially for healers, like I was talking about earlier. They're so obsessed with developing their intuitive senses. I'm like, What's that taste like? They can't tell me they can't describe it to me. And I think that that's why people who are sensual do find each other and we're just like, Yay, because I know that when you eat a burger, you're really tasting it and I get to watch you really t`aste it and react, and, and dance and smile and all of that stuff. And it's like, that's how you know the person in front of you is truly in a moment when they are actually connecting with their senses in the moment in front of you, and you get to witness it. And I love that. I love watching people geek out. I get emotional when I see people like fully enjoying their experience. And to me, like, what else is the point, like, if you're here on this planet, with so many resources, and so many colors, and so many smells, and so many tastes, and so many everything, and you don't even taste the delicious food that you're eating, you don't savor it, you don't make a point to notice, then you're wasting it and I can't, I can't relate. Just can't relate to choosing that way. You know what I mean? Like and consciously choosing that way a lot of people are unconsciously doing it, which is why I make such a big stink about it. But, um, when you're consciously choosing that animal. I don't know. We can't we have nothing to talk about. You know what I mean?

Gwyn  36:06  
Right? You are not my person.

Nannette  36:09  
Yeah if you can't cry while eating pancakes, then get out of here. Cuz they're delicious. You got to be there, you know, they're warm? Oh, you don't I mean, so

Gwyn  36:19  
I wanted to talk to you about sex magic. You keep saying sex magic. And I want to know, I mean, I have my definition. And certainly, you know, Alistair Crowley had a definition. Which is what most people think of, unfortunately, but what tell me about tell me about sex magic? 

Nannette  36:39  
So that's a great question. I separate it from now into two major categories. So there's sex magic, which is like sexual energy work for yourself. And then there's sex magic, like manifesting like creating with orgasm and spell. And that's like the more popularized one, which I will talk about too, but the the first one, which is just doing sexual energy work is starting to tap into the fact that like the sacral, like I work with the chakra system, so start with that. And the sacral chakra does govern not only reproductive, you know, sex and all that stuff, but also creativity and creative expression. And, like, I'm a big etymology nerd. Okay. So sacral connects to sacred and, um, it's literally the seat of the spine. I'm and I personally think that a lot of people can heal themselves through orgasms. There's a lot of research that that states this not just emotional, you know, and spiritual healing, but also physiologically, regulating your nervous system through orgasm. So, there's actually studies that show that people with their spines severed, like their spinal column severed can still experience the sensation of orgasm through the vagus nerve, or the vagus nerve, depending on how you pronounce it. And so the vagus nerve is also what controls your nervous system, and tells it to switch off between, you know, parasympathetic and sympathetic, you know, one being the stress response to incident and the other one being a relaxation or digestion, right. And so, when you experience a lot of trauma as a child, or in other words, complex trauma for repeated, repeated repeated trauma, that what happens is that you're constantly being shoved into the reaction nervous system, the one that tells you run, you know, fight, you know, like, you know, the fight flight response, all of that stuff, but there's other ones and we'll go there later, but that's that nervous system being constantly activated, has repercussions. There's physiological repercussions to that to the point where the the switch between the fight and flight side of your nervous system and the rest and digest side of your nervous system can be choppy or drop. So you will experience this or if you've experienced this, you it's like almost like if you if you can run up the stairs. But then when you get to the top of the stairs, you're gonna collapse, you know what I mean? And so you have the energy that you need to like get yourself out of an immediate situation. But if you when you are switching into that rest and digest nervous system, it doesn't happen smoothly. It happens in a you know, crazy way. And so I believe that using orgasms to connect with your with your nervous system and actually regulate yourself is physiologically healing on top of spiritually and emotional healing. So that's where your sex magic comes from. I had  like I said, severe complex trauma and was experiencing exactly what I said where I would pass out in the shower. I would like use all my energy to get into the shower and then like, go down, and I was having chronic fatigue issues because of it. And I haven't really experienced that. To that degree. Anyway. Since doing this work on a regular basis, because I'm feeling better rested, what more well resourced I can, I can regulate my nervous system. Consciously, you know, I can put myself like I said, I took a shower, I know what I need to do to take care of myself now. But that was learned. And that was what this work was.

Gwyn  40:24  
So, okay, so there's so much here, I like I'm trying to tease it out. So when people hear the term sex magic, most of all, first of all, a lot of people have no idea what that even is. And you talked about two different prongs of it. You talked about learning how to regulate through your chakras, and your vagus nerve, I say, Vegas, that's also cuz I grew up in Las Vegas. So it all sort of fits. So and then the other prong is manifesting, through orgasms.

Nannette  40:58  
I actually more, more recently been playing a lot more with this. And, um, but the first big time, okay, the first big time was actually when I moved out of my marriage home, okay, I knew I had to leave, I was like, I gotta go. So I did a spell. I was like, doing it consciously to manifest a certain amount of money. And I got the exact amount within 24 hours paid in full. And so after that, I was like, Okay. Okay. But then I started playing with it. And I started playing with it with my partner and by myself, where we would work on on visualizing it. So the way that it works, you know, in the most, like, straightforward explanation is that you are creating a projection in your mind, of what it would be like, what it would feel like what it would taste like what like just like manifesting, right? What it would, you know, what would the whole experience kind of be, you put yourself in that experience. So it's almost like you're building a scene. And then you step into the scene, right, and when you're in the scene, is normally when you start to, like, move the energy to get there, right? So let's say you're manifesting something that's just like really far off from where you're at, like, let's say you're living in like a shitty apartment, and you're trying to manifest a mansion or something like that, you know, the experience of stepping into that vibration is automatically like uplifting, right? But when you start to bring in the sexual energy and the sensual energy, you start to really imagine what would it not just what would it be like to live in this mansion, but what would it be like to walk in this mansion is the right, so I put my, like the sex that we're having, at that time, in the space where I want to have it right, and then it just depends on what you're trying to manifest and how that would work out for you. But that is essentially how it works. And when you are approaching orgasm, you're really pulling your like pulling up all your energy from your body, like your kind of poof, right? And then blasting it out to your orgasm as like a spell. So there, some people prefer to do what is called edging, which is like bringing themselves almost to I know, you know, but bringing themselves almost to orgasm and then pausing and or, you know, and building up the energy that way, which is totally fine. But you don't have to do it that way. You can do it quickly, and it still be effective. So I just had to say that disclaimer, because sometimes people are really dogmatic about that, which is ironic. So yeah, yeah, that's, that's essentially how it works. And it's better, like if you're doing it with a partner that everybody is aware and involved and has consented to using their life force in this capacity. That's very important. We don't do that secretly without telling our partner because that's not okay. And most of the time, they'd be on board anyway, you know what I mean? Even if they don't fully believe in it, most people will be like, right, like, I'll visualize with you. So it's cool. But the beauty of it is if once you start to do this, especially with a partner, and you start to see the things happen, you know, it only builds that connection and builds that the expectation of magic is just dope. You know what I mean? So you start to really work with reality in that way and work differently. Because now, you start to find other ways to do upward mobility in your life and to improve your life, not just like, it's not just working harder, but also now you have like, this other way of getting there, and it feels good to get there. So that's the other benefit. But yeah, that's essentially the two branches of sex magic that I really, you know, focus on self healing, and then manifesting and creating and I, I shy away from the word shy away from the word manifesting just because of the, you know, vending machine energy with it now you know what I mean? Like, you know, you just gotta want it, and then you go on to get it and it's like, no, you have to become the person that gets it, and you become the person that gets it by healing. And by growing and by stretching yourself, it's not, you know, it's not a matter of wanting it bad enough or wanting it, you know, severely enough, it's more about wanting it and being committed enough to it, to change your approach to reconsider your strategy to grow, to become the person that walks into that kind of thing.

Gwyn  45:47  
To do the work to get it, basically.  So So okay, so manifesting, whatever, what's the word? I feel you on that, but there's really isn't a better word at this point.  But yeah, it's becoming poppy. But whatever. Anyway, so with manifesting, the mechanics are imagining the thing or visualizing the thing, and then pulling the energy up and attaching your orgasm to it. That's not really the right language. Yeah, but it's like using your orgasm to flow the vision to pop it out of your head

Nannette  46:27  
To fuel it

Gwyn  46:27
There we go. There we go.

Nannette  46:29  
So if you look at it, like um, you know, some people call, I think the the Hicks family, they call it like desire rockets or something like that. 

Gwyn Isaacs  46:38  
Right. Right. Rockets of desire. 

Nannette  46:42  
Um, if you take that kind of idea and say, like, every time that you express a desire, you know, it, I believe, okay, this is actually goes back to marketing. Oh, my God. Okay. So the whole first concept of soulmate clients was that if you are feeling compelled to create something, it is because someone else is compelled to consume it or experience it, right? It's a divine equilibrium that like that, that keeps the earth moving up, right, like humanity moving up. So if you're feeling a desire to create a course, or even this podcast is because there is someone that wants to hear this kind of thing that wants to experience this kind of thing. And the reason I believe that is actually due to etymology, because if you look at the word inspire, it means to breathe in, to breathe in, right? So it, if you look at that, you know, you're breathing in this inspiration. And if you also read, there's a book called Big Magic, I haven't finished it, but I've heard that this is also in there. That ideas come to you because you steward them, right. So when you are able to express a desire, like that, and then the other side is there's something being created to to support it. It all that that's the same with sex, right? Like, when you are putting out the desire through your orgasm, it is energetically activating the potential for a solution in the in the field, right? Because now there's a hole, now there's something to fill, now there's an offset in the equilibrium, and then people will will gather to support you, right. And this somehow is the part that people are like, which I understand, which I understand, but the whole concept really stands to say there's 8 billion people now, like anything is possible, we've seen anything is possible, for better or for worse, in this reality. It's all chaos, everything is chaos, right? Like we can create, you know, magic from that, or we cannot. And so when you start to really connect with the power of your desire, and remain open to the possibility that it's going to come through in an unexpected and unorthodox way, then you walk around expectant of magic and walk around expectant of good things. And then that in and of itself, is first of all, a better way to walk around. But two it creates the perspective that you're looking for your solution rather than feeling defeated by it and feeling like it's impossible and feeling like there's no way. People don't want it. People don't you know, it's not going to be a thing.

Gwyn  49:35  
You know, I really feel like we are on the, the edge of the precipice of a new paradigm shift. Do you follow Adrienne Marie Brown? She's amazing. She does pleasure activism. 

Nannette  49:48  
Yeah, I was calling myself that for a second. 

Gwyn  49:50  
Which is like so needed in the world because so many people are still stuck.

Nannette  49:56  
I just call myself a hedonist. 

Gwyn  49:58  
That works too.

Nannette  50:01
Same diff, same diff. 

Gwyn  50:02  
But if we don't start looking towards what is next, then we're going to stay stuck in the mire of nonsense. I want to talk a little bit about when you're using the sex magic for healing. Is it the same mechanics? Where you're envisioning something and then pulling it up? And using your orgasm to fuel that? Or is it a different reality?

Nannette  50:26  
Yeah, a little bit different? Actually, um, because my focus anyway, with the internal healing is more about regulation. So it is like, actually, what am I feeling now? What's going on? Do I feel tension in any part of my body, it's kind of like body scan work. And really tapping into the now. So it's less projected, and less, you know, forward. The only part of it that is, though is, you know, in the process as a part of the process, I do like people to ask themselves what they prefer to feel. And that's really the only part that is going to take you out of the moment. Because I, I teach that you can generate emotions on demand. If you want to feel happy, like, you know, what makes you happy, go make yourself happy, right? If you want to cry, you go put on a sad movie, right? So that's normal for people, but doing it in a way that's like sacred and by yourself. And like generating it without watching a bunch of stuff without distracting yourself, like generating it solo, it shows you that you can, which is a huge deal. Because if you're in the middle of a meltdown, you can stop and make a better choice, you can stop and make a better choice, once you've practiced that enough, right? So you can stop the verbal spray or whatever is happening in that moment in its tracks. Because you know how to do that. So the only part of the sex magic for healing that is projected is more like, toward the end of you know, your session, you would say, Well, how do I want to feel like when I went when I get away, you know, when I'm done with this, and I get up and I go back to my day, what do I want to feel and even just naming it, oftentimes is enough. Because we'll do it, we'll take care of ourselves, we will I trust our bodies to do that. I trust it. And so, but the rest of it is checking in with how you're feeling. Doing a deep scan, like becoming real, especially if you're, you know, like becoming aware of your genital area, like, make sure you're not numb while you're doing this. Make sure you're not running to the grocery list while you're doing this. Like really being here with yourself. Even if it's a shorter session is better. You know, when you can't it's like, it's like meditation, when you just can't, like you keep going off. Okay, walk away and just don't do this unconsciously. Because that's like the whole point.

Gwyn  52:54  
I call that masturtation.

Nannette  52:57  
Yeah, yeah, some people just zone out. Which is, you know, I'm not, I'm not anti quick and dirty sex, just to be completely honest. Okay? Not every not every sex has to be feeling magical, transformative. Sometimes it's just like, I want to fuck and that's okay. But that's actually you know, what I want people to be like owning their orgasm, too. That's another part of why I like that. Because if you own your orgasm, and you know that you can give yourself that whenever you need to, then you kind of always feel better resourced. When you realize like, the pheromones and the hormones and everything that's happening in orgasm, especially for women where there's so little research done on pleasure for women. Barely any right so learning what you like with your own body is especially revolutionary if you think about it. And so you feel well resourced, you know that no matter what's going on, you can take care of yourself and get yourself at least back to center. That's something that you can do with orgasm or without, but if you know, you can do it with the orgasm and it feels good. And it literally has the hormonal shifts that you do literally put out, you know, good feel chemicals, so especially if you tend to struggle with like mental health or just like low serotonin production, for whatever reason, like orgasms, like taking a little, you know, Xanax for a second, and helping yourself calm down and create and you're creating these chemicals on your own, and learning to create these chemicals on your own so that you're able to do so whenever you need it. Yeah, there's like a there's like a spiritual and emotional and then like a physiological level to the sex healing.

Gwyn  54:52  
That's brilliant. I love it. I love that you're teaching people how to figure that out. Because there's so little education in the world there. I mean, there's no pleasure education, you know, except for folks like us who are stepping forward and saying, Hey, there's there's a problem here. And, and yeah, the more people that are reached, the better. I mean,

Nannette  55:17  
Imagine this is I get so worked up imagine, especially people who are becoming parents not passing on this dogma. That is a changed world. That is a change world. For me, I'm a much, much better mother. As someone who is aware of their kinky nature and takes care of themselves that way, not only how am I showing up better as a mother now that I know how to take care of myself, right? Because at the end of the day, this is a version of self care, a big version, self care, huge, primal version of self care, right. But then on top of that, I'm not going to teach my kids to be ashamed of their sex. I'm just not like, they know the proper terms for things they understand. You know, like that. This is something to do as an adult, they understand the rules for exploring our own body and private around when no one else, you know, because of the nature of the world, they understand these things. And there's, I don't have to shame that has the shame doesn't have to exist in the conversation at all. I can tell my kids the truth about the world, and then inform them, like how they can support themselves in a situation or whatever. But shame doesn't ever have to be a part of the conversation. And they can make those choices in a conscious and like, you know, lucid state.

Gwyn  56:35  
Yeah, what do you think the percentage of people that come to you are struggling with shame?

Nannette  56:42  
Oh, 100 Yeah, 100 it's always shame. It's always, always shame it. It can come from a lot of different places. It can sound different. But at the end of the day, Eve looked down and saw that she was naked. At the end of the day, that's what it was. That awareness of something was wrong with this. Eve was naked the whole time. You know, but when after the knowledge of good and evil, right in the story of the Bible, right? Like, which is all anecdotal and whatever for now, but the point is, the way it's painted, right? Is this awareness of our nakedness cause shame. And being naked is not shameful, right? That never was. It never was until that moment as a repercussion. So, shame from the burst moment that is introduced into the human experience, as you know, right? Even from that sense, it was not necessary. It was not based on who were you hiding from is you and your husband, you live here by yourself. I would 100% walk around naked if it was me and my husband walked in I mean, like, what they had no kids yet, there was nothing like that. So that you know, the same around the human body, especially the woman's body. And then the the painting it into, like the temptation and making it the responsibility of women to to regulate that about themselves so that other people didn't have to regulate themselves. All of that starts with shame, like the first thing, so it's always shame. It just sometimes takes different shapes.

Gwyn  58:20  
Isn't it interesting that even folks who are energy workers, who are healers, for other people who are insightful and intuitive, are still struggling with their own shame?

Nannette  58:31  
Yeah, it happens. And, um, you know, I think that shame, kind of is, like, lodged down and then dislodges when certain events happen. And so it comes up for us to, like, not dissolve, but work through and feel and move through and all that stuff, and it comes up, like in chunks or whatever. I think that is there a possibility for someone to be totally shameless? You know, like, 99%. You know, I think that people can become aware of what like norms are and operate within them and still not have shame. You get what I'm saying, like, you can consciously say, Okay, I'm plugging into the matrix for this part, for a conscious reason that I'm choosing, not because of shame you like you can make the same decisions that you would in a shameful energy. But if you make it consciously, and you're not abandoning yourself, and you're not deserting your, your intuitive, you know, hey, I want this, if that comes up, and you're acknowledging it, and you're still, you know, choosing consciously to go a different direction for now and make space for that later. Like that's, I think, the most evolved version of all of this where you can still operate within society to a certain extent, and then and then still honor your path. Still honor your work and everything that you're here to do. But in my bio, I think I might have just tick it off in Spanish, it just says shameless 'desvergonzada', which is actually a something you call, like, it's an insult. In the Spanish language, like, when you call something you call someone a desvergonzada. And it's like, that person has no shame. And it's literally a bad thing. Like, you should have shame. Like, where's your shame at? You're missing it. And, and when you start to realize that shame is, especially, like, at that age is just there to help you be manageable by the people who are managing you as a parent, like, then you start to realize, like, this is just, this is just how you want to control people is with shame. You know, and I opt out. I opt out of that, I, you're not going to control me that trying to make me demonize myself or villainize myself, like, I have too much. I fought too hard for my own mind. So

Gwyn  1:01:07  
Fucking rock on, lady, that's awesome. I really dig it. I love the work that you're doing for the world. And I really, really appreciate it.

Nannette  1:01:19  
I appreciate being able to actually converse with someone who's, you know, connected enough with this with this topic, because I went everywhere with you and you were able to hang but most people were like, What are you even saying, you know, like, It's too big. So I appreciate being understood.

Gwyn  1:01:37  
Yeah, well, let's start again, like I'm super psyched. This is fantastic. So the last question that I asked everybody is what excites you?

Nannette  1:01:46  
Oh, what excites me is the potential of seeing people who, who really thought they were, you know, beyond that healthy relationship with themselves or they thought they were too far gone. Realizing that with like, repeated effort, and true presence with themselves, they can heal from anything, from anything that they've gone through. All it takes is learning how to sit with yourself. To me, that's like, the most exciting thing because I walked around most of my life feeling like too damaged to do anything meaningful on the planet. And, and I was wrong. Like I was wrong, and I'm so happy to, to know that. So that's what excites me when people do feel like they're that way. And I'm like, no, like, we just got to sit for a couple months with this and you're going to in reality can completely change completely, drastically, beyond your wildest dreams. Everything is so in flux, you know, and it's just as likely for you to, you know, experience magic as it is for you to experience chaos and stress. So when you start to realize that you are not beyond, you know, healing, truly, all the way through, then you start to carry yourself differently and create whole different life. And that that's what excites me.

Gwyn  1:03:14  
That's fucking beautiful. You're beautiful. Yippee

So good, right, go find Nannette right now at thickmilfbaddie.com. And if you are listening in super early time, go check the show notes for the link to her own your own orgasm program, which starts on the 12th. Next time on What Excites Us, I will be chatting with my dear friend Wanda in the next of our series of vocal exhibitionist, tell episodes, be sure you're subscribed, you won't want to miss that one. If you're interested in being on the podcast as a guest for a tell or something else. Let me know at whatexcitesus.com, you can click the button and record me a few minute message. You can also use this to anonymously ask me a question, respond to the question of the week. Or just let me know what you think. Which you can also do on some podcast players as a review, which helps more people find us and on the Patreon page of course. What Excites Us is produced, edited and hosted by me Gwyn Isaacs, all music is used under the Creative Commons Attribution license this week it  includes the theme song, the Vendetta by Steven Kartenberg and Harmony by Polyplus. And this is I Think I Started a Trend by Artemus Strong, tickle.life hosts this and many other podcasts about sex and sexuality as well as they have a bunch of other great content. Check them out. Thanks for listening, you guys rock I so appreciate you!!