What Excites Us!

Transcript:

Gwyn Isaacs  0:00 
Hey folks, welcome to What Excites Us. This is a show about sex and sexuality. So, if you are a kid, you got to go play somewhere else.

E  0:12  
I'm eating veggie straws, because I just had really, really solid afternoon sex. Oddly, before this little recording, but when you want to start recording, I can stop eating the veggies straws.  And then the chomping, the chomping will stop. 

Gwyn Isaacs  0:29  
Welcome to today's episode of What Excites Us where we talk about sex and sexuality throughout time and place including the here and now. The goal of this show is to help everyone feel normal by demonstrating that you are not the only one. My name is Gwyn Isaacs, and today is the first in our series of vocal exhibitionism. I'm having a conversation with my friend E who is sharing about her polyamorous, kinky household.

E  0:57  
Right? So let's do this. I'm excited.

Gwyn Isaacs  1:00  
Hi E, thanks for coming on and doing this with me. You are my first 

E  1:05  
YEAH!

Gwyn Isaacs  1:05  
my first recorded vocal exhibitionistic podcast. And that's super exciting.

E  1:11  
I think that for the time being my queer poly dreams have come true. It's crazy.

Gwyn Isaacs  1:20  
Tell me Tell me. 

E  1:21  
Well, you remember how I dumped my bougie prom queen life for my partner? Anyway, she's awesome. She moved down to where we were living before. And then we moved in together a year after that. And then she moved to the city we were living in two months before the pandemic started, which was like a miracle because if we had been long distance through the pandemic, that would have been a disaster for us in the circumstances we were in. So anyways, she moved, and then a year later, so about almost a year ago, she moved in with me. And then about four months ago, her me the three kids and their dad, to whom I'm still legally married, all packed up and moved back to the Metropol. And, and we're living in a two family house. He's downstairs, the youngest kids room is in his unit. We're upstairs The two older kids rooms are up here, because they demanded to sleep with the dogs and he doesn't want the dogs in his unit. And then about a month after we got back here to the Metropol from the wilderness, I met the most wonderful man and I'm burning it at both ends. Energetically, kink wise, everything it's crazy. I don't know what happened. And baby daddy's right downstairs.

Gwyn Isaacs  3:07
So is your your current partner is on board with your new partner?

E  3:12 
The one the one difficulty has been that because of course, okay, I had the best job. That was the whole reason we were living in the wilderness. And then when I had to give that up in order for the kids, baby daddy and the partner to all come back to the Metropol, I said to the baby daddy, "Here's what I want out of this deal. We're moving into a two family house because I'm done driving around being like, 'Oh, you left your rain boots at Daddy's house. Let's take 40 minutes of our day to go retrieve them.'"like fuck that. So I was like, "Listen, we're living in a two family house. That's it. That's what I want out of this deal." And I said to my partner, "When we go back to the Metropol, what I want out of this deal is that I get to really go date now." Like for real, right? That's what I want. I felt that I had certainly waited and listened. And but I was like, this is time for me. You know what I mean? Like this, this is what I want now. So who knew I would actually meet someone I actually liked because I'm picky and peculiar, and they can't be too impressive or I feel really inadequate, but they can't be you know,

Gwyn Isaacs  4:41  
I do, I can relate to that 100%

E  4:45  
So, no, but I met the most wonderful the most wonderful man. Mmm um, but that has been very hard for her because I think she was not prepared for me. Having this kind of emotional attachment, like sex is was never any kind of jealousy issue or whatever. But the depth of my emotional attachment, it has surprised me too, you know, like I did not exactly order this up.

Gwyn Isaacs  5:20
Not what you were looking for when you  you when you said you wanted to date.

E  5:24  
Yeah, I was hoping, best case scenario for like a, like a regular and exciting and a friendship. But I was not looking to fall in love. And I and I, and I don't think it's like I'm incapable of not falling in love. I've had plenty of friendly, respectful, admiring sexual relationships, but without the love, you know. And you know what I'm talking about. 

Gwyn Isaacs  6:01  
I do I totally do.

E  6:03  
This is this is next level, though. So that's been really hard for her. But at the same, but at the same time, I'm like, What do you want me to do? I could stop seeing him. But that would not solve the problem. Kind of bottom line for me is to her, that I've said to her, "you and I have to work through this. It has nothing to do with him. Right. So if I stopped seeing him, I would not see him anymore, and it still wouldn't solve the problem." Right? 

Gwyn Isaacs  6:38
How long have you been together with him? How long has that happened? 

E  6:42  
Not long. We met at the beginning of June. And 

Gwyn Isaacs  6:45  
Okay.

E  6:46 
Yeah, no, it's still it's still like, yeah, but

Gwyn Isaacs  6:49  
Fresh

E  6:50 
I mean, at least also over the summer, the kids were away. And I had a lot more free time. And it was summer, you know, and now over the last like, month, I think we are kind of rebalancing the amount of time, me and man are rebalancing the amount of time the amount of constant texting the amount, you know, so it's hopefully it'll all even out a little bit.

Gwyn Isaacs  7:18 
Yeah. I don't know if it would help or if you guys have already talked about it, but you could remind your partner that you're still in the, you know, the new relationship energy, and that it will plateau. soonish and, you know, get to a more stasis situation. Make it a little easier to feel the balance for her perhaps. Just because, you know, cuz that new relationship energy, it's real, it's chemical. It makes us do stupid shit. And, and really awesome shit. And it feels amazing. And it does like plateau and chill out. I'm sure you'll figure it out. And she'll figure it out and everything will be good. I want to know, like, the dirty details if you want to share. So I know, so you're poly, and you mentioned kinky, but tell us more.

E  8:11
Okay, well. I got married to the baby daddy when I was 24 years old. So between about 17 and about 23 I had a very wild deep and intense dive, I chased my capacity for sexual submission to the very bottom, no pun intended. You know, and I did some dangerous adolescent stuff. Honestly, looking back on it, I was a combination of lucky and smart that something really bad didn't happen to me, You know what I mean? But I thought this is my sexual identity. And when I got married, you know, I was in love and wanted to have babies and a family and all that stuff. Um and our and our sex life was eight out of 10 on the kinky scale. Do you know what I mean? So I didn't really I just thought this is gonna be great. You know? Anyways, so of course, we were married and monogamous for like 12 years, you know what I mean? So that had all the typical kind of long term monogamous relationship stuff that happened. We the sex was never really our problem, but we did not really tend to our emotional growth together, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that came crashing down and my partner came crashing into my life. We first had a fun summer of vanilla sex, swimming and eating pizza and running around. And then at the end of the summer, I was going home home and I said, let's keep in touch. And we did. And quickly once we were only like on the phone, it quickly became super kinky, super dirty, I like to use the word dirty to distinguish from kinky in the spectrum. To me, the dirty is more of the like, I wouldn't even say role play because I find that word dismissive. You know, like, it's just like a little game like little puppet show or something. But I don't know, I, to me, the dirty signifies like um, all of that kind of taboo language, right? You could.. some people would say age play, or some people would say incest or something, then then you know what I mean. But it's that, that's what it means to me, I use the I find myself using the word dirty. So I quickly became very, like, air quotes dirty with me in the dominant role. Kind of like, wha wha wha what just happened? So that was a big kind of piece of emotional work for me to figure out how I felt about that, what that meant, for months, 2, 3, 4 months at first, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm just going to produce the effect that I wish had happened to me. So that's what I did. And then I came to embody it. 

Gwyn Isaacs  11:38
Do you find that you live the dynamic every day? Is it just a part of the way that you relate to one another now? Or does it turn on and off? I mean, I know there are kids in the house, and you're not walking around with whips or chains or anything like that's ridiculous.

E  11:52  
But well, first of all, I'm not a props and costumes kind of Mommy over here. You know what I mean? It's like, it's all an emotional, mental, energetic, verbal kind of thing. Not all of course, because but largely large. Yeah. So to answer your question, it's like, painfully obvious to me how much this dynamic pervades everything about our relationship. Also, everything about just where we're at as people and how we ended up together, and the whole, the whole thing. It reflects the power dynamics in the household, because remember, my wage earning baby daddy, to whom I'm still legally married is one floor below us. You know, so if I I I tell people when I'm not talking about kink, I tell people that are dynamic, our family is very Victorian, because I've just appended my special friend to the household, but me and baby daddy are functioning as an economic unit making the like household decisions. But do you see how those two things overlay on each other? Right?

Gwyn Isaacs  13:04  
Of course 

E  13:06 
Yeah, but so it's very clear that this pervades every aspect of our relationship, but an outsider looking in would never look at the two of us interacting with each other, anywhere, except with the door closed in the bedroom and recognize it for what it was. 

Gwyn Isaacs  13:26 
So yes, it is a basically a 24/7 dynamic.

E  13:31  
Yeah, it's just I would never say that with that language. Because yeah, people say that, then the image that the the listener gets is like um, like a kind of almost, I would say, like, like, constantly in character cameras on like movie set, you know. 

Gwyn Isaacs  13:53  
Thank you for clarifying that for the listeners, because that is absolutely not what I would consider. But.

E  13:59
But even a lot of people in the like kink world or kinky community, or however you want to say, and even people who've been in it for a long time, and I would not call a casual, like you know, pass or buy or whatever. Even many of those people have a very specific image when you say 24/7 dynamic, right? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I always I always refer to those relationships as Can I get you another Diet Coke Master? Right. That's how you know what I'm saying? Like imagine you're at a fourth of July barbecue with like, you know, one of the partners extended family and then you hear " Can I get you another Diet Coke Master? Right. 

Gwyn Isaacs  14:49  
That's a very specific story. Did that happen to you?

E  14:51  
No. No. But actually, I had a very, very, very dear friend Bob, we'll call him Bob, his scene name was actually different and probably more identifiable than Bob. But um

Gwyn Isaacs  14:58  
there's a lot of Bobs in the world. 

E  15:10  
There's a lotta Bobs! And a very, very dear friend out in the wilderness named Bob Gray, gay leather granddaddy of that particular wilderness. And he, he really helped. He passed away about a year ago, not of COVID of cancer, but he really changed my life. Like he said, let me be your touchstone. Like I'm here for you, you. It was amazing, because he saw me at just this moment that I just needed someone. And he literally he literally said, I see you, sister, you know, and I couldn't have wrapped my mind around what was going on with my partner, and I couldn't have come into it. To the extent that I have without him. He's he was amazing to me. But what was my point? Oh, I mean, he was in a "Can I get you another Diet Coke Master?" kind of situation. Like, I don't think he drank Diet Coke. You know what I mean? Yeah, like literally told me a story once about how he was at some family get together with his extended family Christmas or Thanksgiving or something. And his slave, his person said something like um, Do you want another cigarette? Or do you want another drink or something Master in front of Bob's, like brother and wife and very upstanding nieces and nephews, and, you know, there was like, kind of like, a collective gasp. And then Bob turned to his sister in law and said, and then pointed to his brother, he turned to his sister in law pointed at his brother and was like, "What do you think your relationship is with him?"

Gwyn Isaacs  16:54  
That's amazing.

E  16:55  
I always said I spent 12 years in a heteronormative. monogamous marriage, the original master slave relationship. 

Gwyn Isaacs  17:04
Right, legally and everything else? Yeah, absolutely. So does she call you Mommy when you're in that mode? 

E  17:11
Yeah. 

Gwyn Isaacs  17:12
Okay. And what about your new? Is he a partner yet? What what are? How are you referring to your new?

E  17:19
That's a good,  that's a good question. Um

Gwyn Isaacs  17:21  
We don't know yet. 

E  17:22  
We don't know yet. 

Gwyn Isaacs  17:24  
Okay. 

E  17:24
Okay. I'll tell you, I'll tell you a funny thing. There's a lot of cannabis with the man. And he, you know, he's, he's old. He's 25 years older than me. He has four adult children. The oldest one is 10 years younger than I am. He is. You know, I'll tell you what I told my therapist. Um he, I thought I thought I was too old for this. I thought that this particular older man, younger woman, this particular dyn..., kink aside, right? Because this is all through Western literature. This is not even necessarily a kinky thing. But I thought, this particular dynamic, I thought that ship had sailed for me, you know, I thought, I'm getting older. I'm almost 40. And I had kids and I have my baby daddy downstairs and my partner and look at me now I'm all grown up. I thought this dynamic. I had looked for it before, I had not really found it in a good way. I'd found moments of like, problematic versions of it, but I'd never really found it in like a good way. And I thought that that had passed me by and I was like, Okay, I was becoming okay with it. And then boom, here it comes. So there's very little explicit kinky stuff, or dirty stuff in this relationship. And, and also, he's very, how shall I put this to maintain maximal anonymity, but I can say he, um works in the judicial system. And as a result is like super... He's, he's, he's dealt with a lot of really, really gross stuff. Like a lot of sexual assault, a lot of sexual exploitation of minors, of people with disabilities. I mean, I could go on and on and on, you know, and also a lot, a lot of criminal violence, right. And so he's just like, and he's just like a sweet old man. He's not gonna choke me. You know, it's just not it's just not happening. Which I am okay with. He's wonderful. He's wonderful. And so there's really very little, like explicit kinky stuff and very little explicit dirty stuff. But the energy is like, I mean, really, it's like, it's pretty obvious. You know what I mean? So here's the funny story about the weed. So uh we went up to his cabin. I'm in the metropol, but you know, we went up to his cabin which is like four hours away from the metropol I was so fucking high, okay, like, we smoked a lot of weed and uh, and then we had sex, and then the lights were out. I swear, I thought I heard him say, do you want Daddy's cock? I was really high. And I also sometimes don't hear very well. So I so I was smart. I was sober enough to take a breath. And I said, "Did you really just say that? Or did I imagine it?" Because of course, I've spent hours imagining it. Sorry. Anyways, and then what happened? So he didn't respond, motherfucker, you know, cuz like, he's wonderful, but he's like a baby boomer white dude. You know, like, it's good. Fuck off. So then he didn't respond. And I was like ah fuck it, who cares? Who cares? Like, just let's just have sex? Fuck it. I don't care. So then, maybe like a minute later, he asked me something. I don't remember what it was cuz I was high. And I said, I said, "Maybe?"Or "Maybe if you answer my question." Right? My question being "Did you just actually say that?" And he didn't respond. And the most aggravating thing about him, not just in that moment, but just like, as a person, everyone has their quirks is that when he doesn't want to respond to something, he just acts like he didn't hear it. But sometimes people don't hear things. So it was like impossible. I wouldn't say I spent the rest of the weekend fixated on this. I spent the rest of the weekend like fucking, but then and then the rest of the weekend holding hands in the car on the way back, um you know, but then, once I was home, I've thought of very little else trying to like, but there's no, there's no way to know, it's like lost to eternity. I'll never know if he said that. And here's the thing, though. What if he was working up to saying that? And then when I said, "Did you really just say that?" He interpreted it as not liking it, blah, blah. And then I'm like, I'm too old for this shit. Why don't I just speak speak, but then I, you know what we're gonna huh... Here's the thing. And one thing I learned from 12 years of heteronormative, monogamous marriage, is that the real power dynamic is like, you know, when you're dealing with men, sometimes you just have to let it go.

Gwyn Isaacs  23:11  
That that is true. Although I, you know, going back to the to the coach in me, like, you got to ask him, like

E  23:20
I know right? 

Gwyn Isaacs  23:20  
Or at least, you got, well, you don't have to ask him. You have to, and you don't have to do anything. Let me rephrase that. It might be beneficial or in, in your best interest to put it out there that you would be amenable to that type of language. 

E  23:35  
Is it though? Because because right now, I'm already so um wrapped up in this thing, that it's like, do I really need to add fuel to that fire? There's more going on than meets the eye. It's just a little bit of an illusion. And also, that's part of the fun, right? 

Gwyn Isaacs  23:59  
Yeah, 

E  24:00  
Is like, Is this happening? Is this not happening? No, it will all reveal itself in time and I'm trying to cultivate a deeper Zen kind of um submission to the flows of the universe. How about that?

Gwyn Isaacs  24:21  
That's beautiful reframing I like that a lot.

E  24:24
He told me to. Okay, let me let me repeat. 

Gwyn Isaacs  24:29  
He told you to

E  24:30  
He told me to. 

Gwyn Isaacs  24:31
Okay. Hmm, fair enough.

E  24:36  
So you see what I'm saying?

Gwyn Isaacs  24:37  
I do. I see. I see what you're saying. Have you?

E  24:41  
This is how this is how I roll. Yeah, I don't care about the props. Although sometimes they're useful. I don't care about the costumes, although I love shoes. Um. But you know, this, this, what I'm talking about the mirage, the illusion, the hologram, the question, the intellectual like that that's what does it for me.

Gwyn Isaacs  25:07
Do you also enjoy some of the, you know, more known kinky activities, things people call like, impact play or bondage? 

E  25:15  
I don't give a fuck about rope. I need to, I just need to rant about rope. I don't give a shit. All right, I cannot be bothered to learn how to do that now. I was going to stage a scene back in the wilderness, and we had it all planned out. But then COVID happened. So we stopped going to the kink club in the wilderness. But the scene was gonna go like this. I have a friend who lives down there who is 23 and cute and really good at rope. Because she's into rope. My partner, she really just wants to be tied, right? So we were gonna stage this scene where my 23 year old cute friend with big boobs ties up my almost 40 also with huge boobs, beautiful, but pretty Butch girlfriend, right? And I sit there reading a paper copy of The New York Times. And every so often lowering the newspaper and looking over the top of the newspaper and saying, "That's nice, sweetie." And then raising the newspaper and continuing to read the newspaper. We had it all planned out. And I even found where to buy the New York Times in the wilderness. But it never, it never happened.

Gwyn Isaacs  26:04  
So you're not into the trappings. You're not into the equipment.

E  26:48  
I mean, a dildo can *makes adorable noises while searching for right words* a dildo's fine.

Gwyn Isaacs  26:54  
Do you us strap on or just handheld?

E  26:57  
Yes. Yeah, no, no, no, because you know what I learned? Your pelvis has much more momentum for much longer than your arm. It's just like it just for me. 

Gwyn Isaacs  27:12  
Yeah, 

E  27:12
My little weak arms. And my um

Gwyn Isaacs  27:16  
Yeah, it's...

E  27:16  
Powerful pelvis! 

Gwyn Isaacs  27:18
Powerful pelvis! It's a it's a whole series of muscles that if you don't start using them, you know, it's hard to get them into the, into the swing of things as it were,

E  27:30  
As it were. Yeah, no, no, no, I'm a fan of the strap on. I'm a fan of the dildo. Actually, I never owned a vibrator ever, until my partner and I got together. And in fact, I have um I when we and then she got one for free because she was putting pictures of her boobs on only fans. And then we were like, kind of fighting over it. And we had to take turns. So I was like, Can we get another one? And she's like, Yeah, and she sent me the link. And I was like, no, no, no, you have to buy it. I can't own a vibrator. Because it was my, it was my deeply held anti capitalist position, that I was not going to monetize my orgasm. Right? We pay for water. It was like, literally the last thing that you didn't have to bring into the economy. But now, on the other hand, is it so wrong for something to be in the economy, but there's a lot of really solid philosophy and social theory, discussing whether or not it is really so problematic to bring what we consider to be private into, you know, the economic realm. On the other hand, it's like it's a product, you know, it's like, I don't so but now I've loosened up a little bit. And we own three dildos, and two vibrators together as shared household property.

Gwyn Isaacs  29:04  
Are there other quote unquote, kink activities that you enjoy? 

E  29:09
Okay! I will just lay it out. I like impact play very much. I enjoy being on the receiving end of nothing over the top, but I but I would say like a substantial impact. I I I I enjoy that. Personally, like receiving that, giving it I don't I don't crave it, but I enjoy it. If that makes sense. If I had a menu, I would never or very seldom order it, you know? Yep. And all kinds of implements that I like creative implements. Like for example, when we moved we were throwing out all this stuff and then she went my partner went to throw out like this plastic yellow plastic wiffle ball bat. I was like, No. Nope, we're keeping that! I had a had a flogger that a friend of mine from the kinky club in the wilderness made for me out of summer camp gemp.

Gwyn Isaacs  30:11  
Yeah, 

E  30:11
You know, like right. Like, imagine that 

Gwyn Isaacs  30:13  
Yeah yea

E  30:14  
made out of that plastic summer camp gemp. That was cool. You know, I have a belt, I bought a leather belt, just because it was a well worn strap of leather. Like, 

Gwyn Isaacs  30:26  
Yeah

E  30:26 
You know what I'm saying? 

Gwyn Isaacs  30:27  
Yeah yeah

E  30:27  
At a thrift store, for $5. You know.

Gwyn Isaacs  30:29
Nice

E  30:29
That was the one impact toy I ever purchased. The other stuff, just, you know, it's like, so well, someone gave me the gempy one. I don't get anything from needles, I don't get anything from wax. I don't get anything from any of these activities unless they are attached to either an erotic connection or an emotional connection. It doesn't have to be an emotional connection, but some kind of erotic connection, you know, so like, in an erotic encounter, and I'll try anything. Do you know what I mean? But like, but like, just as the activities in themselves do little for me.

Gwyn Isaacs  31:21  
So when you are engaging in kinky activities, where on the spectrum is it in relation to your sex life? Like does it for a lot of people kink means that they're also going to engage in genital stuff. Um and for a lot of people, it absolutely does not. So where are you?

E  31:39  
I am I am almost at the extreme end of the always sex side. Which is to say not all the way because like I have definitely played with people and not had sex with them. Do you know what I mean? 

Gwyn Isaacs  31:56  
Yeah

E  31:56
And, and I have also played with people that I had no interest in having sex with. That I had no intention of having sex with it. That if they had wanted to have sex with me, I probably would have tried to politely decline. Do you know what I mean? 

Gwyn Isaacs  3215  
Yeah.

E  32:15
But, but the more it's like that, the more it's fun and games and mischief. And like a trickster. Like the New York Times story, I like to I like to mess with people. I like to flip the narrative of what people expect. But I, but also I'm not a masochist. I really enjoy receiving like be on the receiving end of impact play, but I'm really not a masochist in the sense that I don't enjoy the sensation of pain as itself. But as a heightener or, you know, as part of a mix of sexual arousal, the one feeds the other and it creates a more intense, physical experience. So that's what I enjoy about impact play, not the pain itself, but the way that it feeds erotic stimulation. But then I have definitely, also, when I used to play publicly, before the pandemic, and maybe one day again, I would say, "Yeah, I'll do a scene with you. I'll bottom to you."  Because I want to show you how much I respect you. And I want to show these other people how much you deserve respect and how much I respect you. And I want them to look at me and say, "Wow, she respects that" but you, which is very, almost a kind of like very old school, like leather mentality, but I would not go around. I I would not go around talking about my leather path and blah, blah, blah. I mean, that's bullshit. I think that's stupid.

Gwyn Isaacs  33:05  
So the final question, what excites you? 

E  34:02  
Antique furniture.

Gwyn Isaacs  34:04  
Oh! That's a good one! Tell me about your favorite antique furniture score.

E  34:09  
It's a slave desk. That's my slave desk. I bought this desk at an antique auction. And I brought it back to my house in the wilderness. And kinky people would come over and we would have parties and I would just have people over we would have brunch. And when they would come in, I would point to it and I would touch it. I would stroke it. And I would say this is my slave desk, and they would go like, what what's the salacious story of this desk? And I would say it was built by a slave and they would go and I would say on a plantation in Montgomery, Alabama in 1860.

Gwyn Isaacs  35:02  
Warp their little mind.

E  35:04  
It's called the plantation desk.

Gwyn Isaacs  35:07  
I love it. And I love that that's what excites you. How cool is that?

E  35:11  
That's what excites me that and reading the New York Times while someone else ties up my girlfriend. 

Gwyn Isaacs  35:16  
There you go. Sounds like a lovely afternoon. Thank you so, so much for doing this. This has really been fantastic. This has really been fun.

E  35:26  
Well thank you. Whatever happens with the podcast. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to talk about my sex life for an hour. It was fun.

Gwyn Isaacs  35:35  
I love it. This has been great.

This episode of what excites us is brought to you by me, I'm Gwyn Isaacs. And besides being your podcast host, I'm a certified sex coach and educator. And right now I have some openings for text based clients. I love coaching over email and text. It allows you to be open and vulnerable in ways that may feel too difficult in person, which lets us tackle the concerns you have at your own pace. Very few of us were taught how to have sex. Most of us are feeling our way through the dark. hoping we get it right. I can help you build skills in the bedroom and navigate your intimate relationships. I have two ways you can sign up to start texting with me right away. When you go to earthlydesire.com/coaching You will find a weekly subscription for daily correspondence and a way to schedule a live one hour text chat. Visit earthlydesire.com to start on your path of more pleasure today. You deserve it.

Caller  36:49  
Hi Gwyn, could you explain the difference between polyamory and ethical non monogamy?

Gwyn Isaacs  36:56  
First of all, thank you for asking. While the term polyamory has been around, longer and maybe more familiar, ethical non monogamy is probably more accurate because it houses all the various styles of non monogamous relationships that are possible. Whereas polyamory is really leaning towards the definition of relationship styles that are more than being just sex centered. It's kind of like ethical non monogamy is the umbrella and polyamory falls into that. For instance, swingers, that is people who enjoy having sex with other people outside of their primary romantic and sexual relationships. They might refer to themselves as e&m or ethical non monogamous or just swingers. But as I said before, people who practice polyamory are often interested in more than just a hookup, although that certainly can be on the table too. There are lots of different styles of polyam people, including those who are in relationships with nesting partners, where they live together and share responsibilities, and solo polyam folks who choose not to do that they don't want to share their finances, household responsibilities, etc. Some people follow a hierarchical structure where there is a primary relationship, and then the others are outside of that. And some people choose relationship anarchy where none of the partners are more or less important. There is a lot more to this. But hopefully this gives you a really basic understanding. And if you would like more information, I'm happy to answer please keep asking. And that goes for you too listener. If you have questions about polyamory, or anything else that regards to sex, or sexuality, please ask. I love to help answer questions. And I love to hear your comments. What do you think about today's episode? Like this listener, you can send me your questions right on the web page, whatexcitesus.com and hit the button that says Start Recording. It's completely anonymous. All you have to do is hit the button, you record a message, poof, it gets sent to me. Or you can send me a voice memo or just a plain email to gywn@earthlydesire.com That that's gwyn@earthlydsire.com and I really do love to hear from you. Speaking of which, if you are enjoying the show, please rate and review it wherever you listen. It helps a lot. It helps other people find us. And I love to know what you're thinking. Even if it's lousy. I want to know

Leah Carey  40:01 
Hey friends I'm Leah Carey inviting you to listen to good girls talk about sex, where I interview everyday women about their sex lives. 

Speaker 2  40:10  
You know, I want to be like pushed against the wall. Like in the movies. 

Speaker 3  40:10  
This feels good. But do I look fat?

Speaker 4  40:10  
That always turned me on but I don’t think I’ve admitted that to my husband

Speaker 5  40:10  
Have sex with women, highly recommend

Leah Carey  40:10  
Good Girls Talk About Sex is here to remind you, you’re not alone and your desires are completely normal. Listen in your favorite podcast app today! 

Gwyn Isaacs  40:34
Let's all send a big thank you to E our vocal exhibitionist for sharing her sex life at the moment with us. We hope your dreams really are coming true. Next time, I'll be chatting with my very good friend Shahn about some interesting fetishes. You're not gonna want to miss it. If you would like to do a tell all episode with me or have things to share that may be helpful to others. Please get in touch. An easy way to do that is to go to the website. Whatexcitesus.com and click the Start Recording button. You will have several minutes to pitch a story respond to the question of the week. Or you could be a part of the conversation by asking me a question, leaving a comment or a short story to air. By the way, it's completely anonymous. You can also send me an email at Gwyn@earthlydesire.com. That's gwyn@earthlydesire.com. I have one last request for you. And that is to please rate and review this podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. It helps a lot and I really do want to know what you think. What excites us is produced, edited and hosted by me Gwyn Isaacs. All music is under the Creative Commons Attribution license this week and includes the vendetta by Stephen Kartenberg and Harmony by Polyplus. Tickle.life hosts the podcast and a whole array of other sexuality podcasts. If this is your thing, please check them out. Thanks for listening. I appreciate you