What Excites Us!

Episode 51: Tell-All with Blue

Transcript:

Ep 51 - Tell-All with Blue === [00:00:00] Gwyn: This podcast is about sex and sexuality, so please only listen if you are an adult without kids or other ears around that cannot, or do not consent to sensitive language and content. Thanks.

[00:00:21] Blue: I want to be the topic of a penthouse letter.

[00:00:29] Gwyn: Hello and welcome to What Excites Us. My name is Gwyn Isaacs. I am a certified sex coach and educator, and I have been helping folks feel better about sex and sexuality since 2017. Today's episode is a tell all. One of my favorite kinds of episodes. I am chatting with my friend Blue.

[00:00:53] Blue identifies as a heterosexual cis man. He is married and has a child. They've been in a monogamous relationship since they have been together. And we talk about all sorts of things, including what he wants most, his sexual practices, how he enjoys pornography, exhibitionism, all sorts of fun things. It is a lovely conversation and so much fun.

[00:01:25] And if you'd like to hear more of it, or similar things to it, please come visit me at my website, whatexcitesus. com. In the meantime, enjoy this conversation

[00:01:38] well, thank you so much for coming on and doing this. I love doing these kinds of tell all episodes. I think they're super fun. And my interest in doing them is by sharing things that many people enjoy that some people have shame about. Basically to say everybody's normal, that normal is a dumb word and, and that whatever you like guaranteed, somebody else likes it. And so by basically having, examples? You are an example.

[00:02:12] Blue: I am an example.

[00:02:14] Gwyn: How does that feel?

[00:02:16] Blue: It feels enjoyable.

[00:02:18] Gwyn: Oh good! I'm so glad to hear that. Can you tell me a little bit about who you are sexually? And how you got to that place,

[00:02:27] Blue: Who am I sexually? Um,

[00:02:30] Gwyn: what do you like?

[00:02:31] Blue: yeah, what do I like? I think very much if I look back at my, my sex life in terms of my lifespan, I'm, I'm pretty much a serial monogamist. And I don't know that that's fully by choice or by sort of, implicitly accepted gender roles, right? And the expectations that, that boys are boys and boys are with girls.

[00:02:56] And like, I did not ever grow up questioning my own sexuality. I'm, I'm very heterosexual. Um, and I think that that's really interesting to not ever grow up questioning it. Yeah, but I would say that for the most part, I'm a serial monogamist and that's not, always my choice, right? I think that personally, I think that I'm married. I'm in a long term relationship. I've been with my partner for 13 years, and I haven't been with other people in that time. And a lifetime is a really, really, really, really long time.

[00:03:32] So if I think of being with one sexual partner for. We'll say the next 40 years, so a total of 50 years. That's both very, it's, daunting in, in a lot of ways. It's daunting from maybe an optimistic perspective, but it's also daunting from a very limiting perspective in some regards.

[00:03:53] Gwyn: Sure. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I want to circle back to the never questioned your sexuality. So if you were to question it today, you would come down to heterosexual.

[00:04:05] Like, okay. So like scale, you would be the six.

[00:04:11] Blue: Um, or five, right? like, I've kissed men. I've like, I've played around, I've explored, but more situational than attraction driven, experience driven than attraction driven, I would say. Right. So there's an experiential aspect to sexual encounters.

[00:04:33] Gwyn: Absolutely. And it's, it's good to hear that you've experienced it and, tried it and said, meh, it's not for me.

[00:04:39] Blue: Yeah. it's not energizing in the same way that sexual intercourse with females is, is really like energy building.

[00:04:49] Gwyn: Oh, tell me more about that.

[00:04:51] Blue: right. Well, I think that sexual energy just in and of itself, right? Like with the male body, it's very energy building, right? Like male, female touch for my body is, um, extremely energizing and stimulating. I think by the nature of it, but also just by the way that the male body reacts to touch.

[00:05:12] Gwyn: Sure. Although, you know, it's not across the board. There are certainly people who feel drained by it, which is fascinating because mean, it makes sense, right? If the variety of humans is a vast spectrum, there's going to be in every place, but yeah, you are more, common than not

[00:05:31] Blue: Yeah, and I'm, I tend to be, I think, more physical, right? I'm, I'm a hugger. I like a firm handshake, right? 

[00:05:38] Gwyn: you are an embodied person.

[00:05:40] Blue: Yeah, physical closeness is okay.

[00:05:43] Gwyn: Yeah. But also you are one of the people that actually resides in your body where, you know, there are a lot of us who are much more like, Oh, right. There's this thing that I drag around.

[00:05:54] Blue: Yeah, I'm pretty grounded in my body.

[00:05:56] Gwyn: Yeah. I mean, you're an athlete and, and other sorts of things like that. So that makes sense. You mentioned energizing, do you get a, physical sensation with touch?

[00:06:08] Blue: I can, and I think some of that depends on the person's energy as well. Right? Like, if it's somebody that I'm sort of vibing with, and they, like, even if they just, like, put their hand on my arm or, like, um, gentle touch like that can really be invigorating. And also, I think, grounding in the moment of time as well, right, it very much is, touch is something that is here and now.

[00:06:34] Gwyn: Yeah. That's, that's pretty neat. Did you get a lot of messages around sex growing up? Was your family very conservative or very liberal or anything?

[00:06:45] Blue: It was almost, it's a lot unspoken, I would say, right? Um, I'm in my late 40s now, so very much a child of, of the 80s. Being 11 or 12, my mom gave me, basically, like, gave me a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves, handed it to me and was like, here you go, um, that was the whole talk, right? Like,

[00:07:09] Gwyn: Okay.

[00:07:10] Blue: And, I mean, I think that That's my mind. And that's where I've been. And that's also sort of how from that parenting style, right? Like, I think that that's how I've always found information as well. Like, I've always been a seeker of information. Yeah, but, I would say dad had his.

[00:07:31] Penthouse and Playboy magazines around in the house. Like, as we were young, they were at the bottom of the magazine rack and got hidden as we became older and older. Um, but that very much, like, pictographic, like, 1980s pornography was also part of my childhood. And then sort of things like, um, penthouse letters and, and forums.

[00:07:54] So really, something. That I found as a teen was that that was really stimulating, even more so than like, you know, you look at the pictures and, um, they're stimulating, but it's not the same dream world narrative that reading a story can create. Um, and I think for a young person, then sort of feeling like you're part of that experience or whatever. Very fantastic. [00:08:24] Gwyn: yeah, I was also a fan of the letters.

[00:08:28] Blue: Yeah.

[00:08:29] Gwyn: Although they were ridiculous.

[00:08:32] Blue: In hindsight, when 100%, right? And written by the editorial board or whatever, right?

[00:08:37] Gwyn: Yeah, but as a 12 year old, holy mackerel.

[00:08:41] Blue: yeah, you're like, wow, being an adult is cool.

[00:08:46] Gwyn: Get ice cream if you want it. And you get to read this stuff. Oh, maybe I'll get to even do that stuff. Cool. [00:08:54] Blue: Could all hope and dream, right?

[00:08:55] Gwyn: That's right. is your relationship with your wife sexually satisfying?

[00:09:04] Blue: There are aspects of it that are really, really sexually satisfying, and then at times, no. Um, sex now, 13 years into our relationship, I think our sex now is better than it's ever been. And I think that's very mutual. I think that, um, for me, the frequency isn't quite enough. I think that there's a meaningful connection.

[00:09:28] And when we do make love, it's beautiful. Um, it's sex. It's passionate. It's like fiery. You know, there's some of that animalistic stuff in there, but it's ultimately loving and connecting and like reaffirming of our relationship. And for me, something I've noticed in our relationship very much is that my wife, my partner feels sexually connected or feel feels sexually open and willing when we're more emotionally connected. And for me, the physical part of the relationship really helps feed the emotional connection. So that if I were really all twisted up and we were to have, like, passionate sex, I'm going to be better able to emotionally connect after that.

[00:10:20] Whereas in the center needs that emotional connection on the front end, which, I mean, is is a really interesting relationship dynamic to learn and to even start to become aware of it. It's not that I know how to use that information yet. It's a growing edge, right?

[00:10:38] Gwyn: Sure. And it's not unusual that's not standard, but it.

[00:10:43] Blue: Well,

[00:10:44] Gwyn: More standard than when you'd be surprised.

[00:10:46] Blue: I mean, sequencing of libidos has been interesting, right? And in our growing and developing sexuality something that's been helpful has really been trying to find ways to, like, for me to get off and for her to participate or be involved or observe and not necessarily feel pressured to have sex with me or, You know, maybe it's a tickle or a light touch, or maybe she helps or whatever that comfort level or energy is for the day.

[00:11:20] But for me also not to feel sort of either that I have to repress myself or run and hide and jerk off somewhere. You know, so there's also an, energizing aspect of being able to share some of that in the relationship.

[00:11:35] Gwyn: Yeah. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. And that's a nice way that you're able to come to it. A lot of folks really struggle with that, um, with both sides of that, right? The, woman not feeling like pressured and, and you not wanting away.

[00:11:54] Blue: you know, it's not a perfect science,

[00:11:58] Gwyn: No, an art.

[00:12:01] Blue: yeah, and it's, it is constant communication, right? I think that, that this gets touched on in a lot of your program, right? Where, it all comes down to communication and whether or not it's communicating what you need in sex or using sex as a way to sort of start to figure out how to communicate with your partner.

[00:12:20] I think that there's a reciprocal and cyclical relationship there, hopefully. And if people's sex is getting healthier, like the thing in, in my relationship, I look at as an indication is that, like, our sex seems to get better, and I don't know that was my framework for long term relationships until I was in this relationship. a lot of times in relationships I've had, like, for 3, 4 year relationships before this, like, in numbers of them, um, there always seems to be a plateau place or like a, place where the sexual energy just kind of like hits its peak and it doesn't necessarily grow and develop beyond that. And this relationship is very different.

[00:13:02] Gwyn: That's a blessing and also a lot of work. Like it's clear that you are both doing the work to do that.

[00:13:10] Blue: Yeah. There's a lot there,

[00:13:12] Gwyn: yeah,

[00:13:14] Blue: but there's, there's a lot to unpack in people's lives to be able to have healthy sex.

[00:13:18] Gwyn: it's yes.

[00:13:20] Blue: Right. And it's, it's two people being honest with themselves and unpacking that stuff for themselves, but then also trying to step into that space together, um, for your, your emotional vulnerability and like really good sex.

[00:13:37] Gwyn: Yeah. Yeah. When I've worked with couples, it's, like, I frame it this way. We have three, distinct relationships happening. You know, there's you and you, and then there's the relationship, which takes on its own personality, set of desires, set of requirements, communication, communication style.

[00:13:59] So, yeah, being able to be honest with each other and upfront with each other and talking about things as they come up or when it's appropriate, because I know that you have children. So, you know, it's not always appropriate and, and then also taking into account each other's like lives. Because there's everything that happens outside of the bedroom.

[00:14:23] Blue: Yeah. I mean, that's a tough balance as you get aged right and have kids and energy and, um, I think, finding that time for a good, solid, nice afternoon fuck is hard.

[00:14:38] Gwyn: Yeah.

[00:14:38] Blue: And energy wise, right? Like, being passionate, late in the evening. I don't think is where our peak energy flow is right? Like, it's great when we can roll around in the bedroom in the middle of the day and have time and space for that, but that time and space can be years between it seems.

[00:14:56] Gwyn: But knowing that about yourselves and not putting the pressure on, you know, like it's eight o'clock, the kid's finally in bed. I'm exhausted. Oh, we need to get it on now. Like, that's frustrating.

[00:15:07] Blue: Yeah, yeah.

[00:15:11] Gwyn: you know, frequently when I tell people what I do for a living, they ask for a hot sex tip. So what I say, not really knowing them or any of their situations is that most sexual issues can be helped with more and better conversation, or lube or both. Now, conversation is really on you, although I can help you if you'd like me to. I do that as a coach.

[00:15:38] But when it comes to lube, there are two brands that I always reach for first. Uberlube is my go-to silicone lube. It's pure. It's not full of any unnecessary additives that make it smell, taste, or feel, unlike you me. It comes in a beautiful glass bottle that I'm happy to have on my nightstand, and it's great in most situations.

[00:16:05] However, if you prefer a water-based lube or have some other intimate needs, I recommend Good, Clean Love. They have a variety of great products to help everything in the bedroom goes smoothly, huh.

[00:16:20] They've got some vaginal care kits, some cleaning solutions, oils and candles. It's really great. Now you can find an affiliate link for these at the podcast's website whatexcitesus.com And to be clear, you do help me out when you buy through these links, but I specifically reached out to these companies because I truly love their products and I believe in what they're doing.

[00:16:46] So help yourself. Help me help these lovely companies and get better sex with better lube. Go visit the links for UberLube and good Clean Love at whatexcitesus.com Do you have multiple types, do you guys enjoy the quickie as well as the long luxurious as well as the like hot and dirty

[00:17:14] Blue: We tend to be more patterned and longer. I think that my, my wife's body takes longer to warm up. So, so sort of taking that into account, just in natural cycles and foreplay. And, you know, some being able to tie things like massage and is always helpful. the, the quickie is something we should, approach a little bit more, I think, because it, works well, um, and is well received if that makes sense.

[00:17:47] There's, I think, uh, you know, that also aging female bodies, lubrication, lube, moisture, um, spontaneity can, feel like it's impeded at times, but there's something that's exciting about the quickie that, that can help,

[00:18:04] Gwyn: Yeah. Well, and there's, there's a whole lot of. science that we're just starting to really figure out about bodies. In general, I recommend to every human on the planet should read Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are. It is such an amazing book. And it talks about, genital non concordance, like where, like, if you're watching something that's disturbing, but your body is like, oh, that's sexy.

[00:18:30] And, and, and you're like, wait, no, that's not sexy. What's wrong with me? Nothing's wrong with you. Your body is just a body. And then things like everybody has brakes and everybody has accelerators. And sometimes the brakes are on too hard to, even if you're flooring it to the max, some people just cannot cope if there are dishes in the sink and that's okay.

[00:18:51] These are things that are important to know. But the, piece that I was getting to was that sometimes we don't know that we're excited until we are physically stimulated. So with men, a lot of times, this is very generalization with men. A lot of times you can think something, you get hard, you're good to go. Boom, bada bing.

[00:19:13] With women, a lot of times, and there are men who are like this as well. And it's like, well, maybe, I don't know. I don't know. Let me see. Try stroking me for a little while and I'll let you know in 10 minutes. And that's totally, absolutely normal and regular, and I'm glad that you figured that out with your wife without it becoming this huge, you know, this is where I end up seeing a lot of clients like, well, he never bothers to touch me first.

[00:19:42] Blue: but we've also been together for 13 years. Right? So, I'm saying right now, and I'm saying we're at a time right now where we're having some of the best sex, right? So it's, it's not that it's been that way for that whole 13 years. We very much have gone through ebbs and flows and tides. Um, but I think it's at a healthier place right now.

[00:20:06] Gwyn: Yeah. But part of that is your willingness to experiment in those realities, you know, that you are not stuck in a place and she is not stuck in a place where it's like, that's the way it worked. And that's all we're going to do. And that you're communicating it really, it all goes back to the communication.

[00:20:25] Lube doesn't hurt, but like, but it really, really, really goes back to communication, like hands down all the time. Just talk to each other. And so it's nice that you have that. Even if it feels daunting to think about it for the next 50 years. I think that if you're doing this well now, that it's just going to continue to grow.

[00:20:47] Blue: Hopefully. And there's, you know, there's places where I'm not totally honest.

[00:20:53] Gwyn: Right. So let's talk about that.

[00:20:55] Blue: Yeah.

[00:20:57] Gwyn: So you've been experimenting with some exhibitionism.

[00:21:01] Blue: Yes. Yeah. And it's, that is, it's really energizing. And yeah, I'm sort of at a place where I don't know what to do with that yet. Um, I think it's energizing and it's obviously exhibitionism is something that wants to be shared. Right? Like,

[00:21:19] Gwyn: By the very nature of it.

[00:21:21] Blue: But also sort of trying to gently broach that in ways that honor the relationship that I'm currently in, right?

[00:21:31] Gwyn: And to be clear, just to make sure that all the listeners know You're not going out and flashing people randomly on the street. You're doing this in ways that are safe and consensual.

[00:21:42] Blue: Yes.

[00:21:43] Gwyn: Just want anybody to be like, who could be concerned to not be concerned.

[00:21:47] Blue: I do not own a trench coat. I swear.

[00:21:53] Gwyn: No, you're not going to go streaking across baseball field anytime soon. Right, [00:21:58] Blue: maybe. But that would just be for the 5150.

[00:22:03] Gwyn: right.

[00:22:05] Blue: Free meals.

[00:22:06] Gwyn: They're not as good from what I understand. I've actually been trying to decide whether or not I want to get a trench coat, but obviously not for streaking exhibitionism reasons. But because I need a professional jacket and other people seem to have them, I don't know, maybe it'll work. Okay. And now back to our regularly scheduled podcast.

[00:22:34] Blue: And I think that maybe giving it like some context of like how or where or why. Right. Um, Really, I think for me in having libidos that totally aren't sequenced, right? Like I have this, maybe not obviously, but I masturbate quite a bit. And have also watched pornography. I like things that seem more granular or like real or gritty or not like the, the polished, like, where I feel like I'm in a studio or um.

[00:23:09] I don't like plastic porn. Um, I like porn that feels human, that feels like there's a connection between the actors or people on screen. And I've also found that I really enjoy JOI, so jerk off instruction. it's been a way that, like, feels really safe, interactive. And from there, really, really got into, like, edging for a while and, like, really playing with that and sort of going deep and really, um. I think controlling my own orgasm and ejaculation and then trying to separate the two to some degree, right?

[00:23:52] So trying to, gain the capacity to have orgasms without ejaculation sort of really, like, also prolong the sexual encounter. And I think that some of that and those habits is also really helped my sex life with my partner. Right? So my own sexual practices and like, enjoying myself and I think like really changing and developing in my sexual habits with myself has also positively impacted my sexual relationship with my partner.

[00:24:24] Gwyn: Would you say that you have a high libido or a medium libido? Definitely not a low libido.

[00:24:31] Blue: Not low, I'd say I'm medium to medium high. I don't think I'm a, a high libido in that like, it wouldn't be common. Well, maybe that's not, I don't normally have the desire to ejaculate more than once per day. Um, right. So maybe as someone who's approaching 50 once per day might, maybe it is high, right?

[00:24:55] I have no idea how you define that, right. Or

[00:24:59] Gwyn: Yeah, I'm not, I

[00:25:00] Blue: number? Um, no medium. Medium, high.

[00:25:04] Gwyn: I was just wondering what you think you are.

[00:25:07] Blue: Yeah. And I mean, maybe that's, that's a great conversation to have with partners, right? But in my journey there, I found, I found a website called MakeLoveNotPorn that I really enjoyed watching videos on. So it's, user submitted, um, people submit their own videos. And I've toyed with, with submitting my own and submitted some videos there.

[00:25:35] Gwyn: How did that feel?

[00:25:37] Blue: Wild, right? Like wildly, sort of exciting and invigorating. Um, yeah, just the idea that people have actually clicked on 'em and watched 'em and enjoyed 'em and, you know, it's, it's super exciting.

[00:25:55] Gwyn: Does it tell you how many people have watched, or do you get feedback [00:25:59] Blue: Yeah, you get feedback. Not many people have watched right? Like. I think watching a middle aged man yank it solo isn't like the entire internet world's idea of a good time, but it's,

[00:26:17] Gwyn: well, you know.

[00:26:18] Blue: there's a corner, there's a corner of the internet where it's my idea of a good time.

[00:26:22] Gwyn: Yeah, you're not alone. I mean, Rule 34, right? Like, if you can imagine it, there's already a porn site about it. Like, you would be surprised what people are into. Um. Or maybe you wouldn't be, I don't know, like I find myself surprised. Of course, I don't demonstrate that, but I do occasionally find myself like, really? Okay, well, that, that works for you. Then that's, that's great. Yay for you.

[00:26:51] so do you get the, the jolt when you post and then when you go back as well to see if people have watched

[00:26:58] Blue: Oh, yeah. I mean, so it's, it's like going back and like, you know, I would say not, many views, but the reception for the people that have viewed has been good. If that sense.

[00:27:09] Gwyn: that totally makes sense. And yeah, I can see that being really appealing. When you watch porn, you said you like to watch real people are you watching heterosexual, man woman, your average sort of, penis and vagina sex.

[00:27:27] Blue: Yeah, man, woman, female masturbation a lot. I would say that's probably over. Yeah, 50%. I don't, porn, porn ebbs and flows for me, right? But, a lot of female masturbation. male, female, um, sometimes threesome, sort of, like, experiential fantasy stuff, right?

[00:27:51] Gwyn: Yeah. I mean, porn is really fun for that, right?

[00:27:54] Blue: yeah, yeah, obviously, right? that's kind of what it's there for.

[00:27:58] Gwyn: Right. It's entertainment. It's exactly what it's there for. Tell me more about what started this exhibitionism?

[00:28:08] Blue: What started it? Well really, I mean, to be completely honest, the thing that started it has been like sending my wife pictures. Right? So like sending her pictures and videos and like, like, honestly, I've made bunches of videos and I like put them on a file on this computer and I don't know if the lady even watches it.

[00:28:29] You know, it's very much sort of not like, it's exciting for me to do it. It's thrilling for me to like, make them and like put them in this folder and think that someday she might watch them. She doesn't even watch them.

[00:28:45] Gwyn: like, I can have the real thing later. Why do I bother?

[00:28:48] Blue: Yeah, um, that's just kind of my own little mental fantasy over here, right?

[00:28:55] Gwyn: well, that is actually something that I prescribe as if I were some sort of prescriber. But that I suggest for folks who are struggling in their relationships is a nice way to reconnect. And you know, maybe she does occasionally go in and just be like, Hey, what's, happening over here? Let me get a little jolt in my afternoon while you're out at work or whatever.

[00:29:16] Blue: Yeah. And I think some of like in the world, right, like putting your, your energy out into the world, part of that desire is for feedback, right? Like for somebody to be like, wow. You know, it's Tuesday and you're a hot little piece of ass. whatever it is, right? Like, that's, that's sort of the reciprocal dopamine kick I'm looking for.

[00:29:40] Gwyn: Yeah, that's good that you're aware of that. That's really cool.

[00:29:43] Blue: Yeah.

[00:29:44] Gwyn: Yeah. If the world were your oyster, if there were no restrictions and nobody else's personality matters, right? So pure fantasy, what would your sexual world look like?

[00:29:59] Blue: Probably my wife allowing one or two other people into our sex life broadly, whether that's together or separate, separate with me, separate with, you know, um, I don't think I'm too hung up on being possessive, but I think being a little bit more open in, in our sex life, but in ways that felt safe.

[00:30:24] Um, I mean, I think with my own sort of exhibitionism here, I would love it if my wife would make a video with me. Right. But doubt that that, would happen in the context of our relationship.

[00:30:38] Gwyn: Mean, you never know people, people do shift and change over time and kids do grow up and one gets their life back, which. I mean, not for everybody, but certainly for me, it's like, oh, right, right. Okay. I'm not completely beholden to this [00:31:00] Blue: Somebody else's schedule. Yeah.

[00:31:04] Gwyn: I think that's really lovely and,

[00:31:07] Blue: Yeah.

[00:31:07] Gwyn: whether or not it actually happens, it's a fun place to think about.

[00:31:11] Blue: and I don't, I don't know where this little experiment now will go. Right. And I don't know how that would either. Um, Play into this isn't as a positive way or a way that like could also potentially dismantle trust right in that my partner doesn't know that I've posted videos

[00:31:29] Gwyn: Right.

[00:31:30] Blue: at this stage of the game,

[00:31:32] Gwyn: Right.

[00:31:33] Blue: And I know, like, at different points in time. I've looked at the different whatever framework ethical non monogamy or, you know, I don't think Polyamory is really my, playbook. But maybe, maybe if it was like more fixed partners. I could see a situation like that at some point being more interesting.

[00:32:00] Gwyn: Yeah. Well, the, fun thing about ethical non monogamy is that A, it's ethical, but B, there's a million different ways to approach it, right? Like there are swingers who only swap. There are swingers who go to a party and only see one person one time ever. And then there are people who have full on polyamorous relationships with a household of 20 and like everything in between.

[00:32:25] you know, it's, goes back to that, you know, whatever works for you. And as long as you're communicating well, and I'm not trying to say that you need to start this by, by any stretch, I'm just, you know, as your fantasy is playing out, you can play it out in any. different kind way.

[00:32:41] Blue: you know, I, do have a couple groups of like poly friends. And, um, I would say in this day and age, I, I think that the, the household financial repercussions of polyamory. Are potentially really beneficial. Sort of collectively joining household finances of a number of adults in ways that normalizes income across the group. Like, that is is huge. So some of the things that the, the households that I interact with are able to do, it's really fun.

[00:33:14] Gwyn: Yeah. But their Google calendars are a mess.

[00:33:18] Blue: nuts.

[00:33:19] Gwyn: Not to mention group meetings. Oh my God.

[00:33:24] Blue: as someone external, trying to schedule dinner and then realizing that they need to go back and have a house meeting. If I want to come over and have a cheeseburger

[00:33:31] Gwyn: right. Exactly. Yeah, that! There are pluses and minuses to everything.

[00:33:40] Blue: now, we were, we were trying to schedule something yesterday. And my wife was on the phone and she was like. This is why I only have one partner.

[00:33:47] Gwyn: Right. There's definitely some advantages to that end. There is also the nice, like, oh, my God, can you believe he did that conversations that, you know, you don't really want to just take out to random people in the world.

[00:34:03] Blue: Yeah.

[00:34:05] Gwyn: Yeah.

[00:34:06] Blue: So what else do you want to know?

[00:34:10] Gwyn: Umm

[00:34:11] Blue: I'm amazing. I'm amazingly vanilla. Honestly, I think I'm a very physical person, but I'm really fucking vanilla.

[00:34:20] Gwyn: What do you mean by that?

[00:34:22] Blue: I mean, I think in terms of the sexual. I don't know, the sexual world, right? Like, maybe I'm sensory seeking, but I don't want tons and tons of partners, right? um, in terms of like the kink world, I'm pretty fucking vanilla.

[00:34:43] Gwyn: OK, but what does vanilla mean to you? so first of all, let me just go on my little rant about vanilla. Vanilla is an amazing spice and it is very important in all situations, especially when it comes to chocolate cake,

[00:34:55] Blue: it's, it's a homogenizer of flavors.

[00:34:57] Gwyn: Yes, it's a flavor enhancer.

[00:34:59] Blue: Yeah. So vanilla in the I guess what it means is my sexual habits and preferences are pretty penis and vagina.

[00:35:08] Gwyn: Gotcha.

[00:35:09] Blue: Yeah, my sexual practices are heteronormative 90 percent of the time.

[00:35:19] Gwyn: Have you experimented or thought about kinkier aspects

[00:35:24] Blue: Um, I'd say sort of as kinky as I get as a little bit of like anal play. It's really like, like, butt plug, butt plug with a vibrator.

[00:35:35] Gwyn: For you or her.

[00:35:37] Blue: both either way. Yeah, both are really enjoyable.

[00:35:42] Gwyn: you enjoy anal intercourse?

[00:35:45] Blue: We've not gone there. I

[00:35:47] Gwyn: Fair enough.

[00:35:48] Blue: yeah, I don't know that. Um, structurally, I don't know that we'd go there.

[00:35:54] Gwyn: Fair enough. Is it something that you feel is lacking? Like, do you have a drive for it?

[00:36:01] Blue: I don't think so. No, no, it's not my driving desire.

[00:36:05] Gwyn: Right.

[00:36:06] Blue: Yeah,

[00:36:07] Gwyn: So what is your driving desire?

[00:36:11] Blue: my desire is to be desired. That's, that's the driving desire. I think that being middle aged, being sort of a former athlete, for a lot of my life, my body looked like a magazine body, right? Like I, I looked, I've spent a lot of my life looking like a plastic porn person.

[00:36:32] Um, and I'm aging into something different. I'm aging into a softer form. And some of this is really me coming to grips with that. And I think knowing that desire can be that visual thing, but there's also more complex roots to desire. So some of this is me playing with that edge of like finding sex appeal with some of that visual, but trying to get at something deeper as well.

[00:37:03] Gwyn: Yeah, that makes sense. Did you know that you were sexy when you were younger?

[00:37:09] Blue: You know, I had no fucking idea. Like I had no idea.

[00:37:16] Gwyn: Really? Like, not at all.

[00:37:19] Blue: I don't think that I've had that. Um, I don't think my self esteem has been that good. Right. And I think that a lot of that sort of, I've done an uncountable numbers of like sit ups and like lifts and crunches in my life. Right. And like there's an aspect of that that was like to be an athlete. And there's also an aspect of that as vanity, plenty, plenty of athletes don't have six pack abs.

[00:37:44] Gwyn: Right.

[00:37:45] Blue: I did. Right, like, um, there's a piece of it was like, okay, like, I'm working hard. I'm going to work on this. And also, like, I'm just going to sculpt my body a little bit because when you have under 8 percent body fat, it's easier to do that.

[00:38:03] Right, Yeah, because there's nothing there. So you have protein and you work out a muscle and that muscle grows, right? And you're just like, oh, okay, like, but then aging now, right? And I'd be like, okay, like, I need to get rid of that fat to sort of be able to do that.

[00:38:20] Gwyn: So do you still work out?

[00:38:22] Blue: I haven't worked out in 10 years.

[00:38:24] Gwyn: Really?

[00:38:26] Blue: No.

[00:38:29] Gwyn: I would have had no

[00:38:30] Blue: Yeah. Like that's. So, so my body now is really without exercise for 10 years.

[00:38:40] Gwyn: I mean, you, yeah. Okay. Not, not specific.

[00:38:43] Blue: Like I walk

[00:38:44] Gwyn: Right. I mean, your job is kind of physical too.

[00:38:48] Blue: it's it. Yeah, I walk and I'm on my feet,

[00:38:52] Gwyn: yeah,

[00:38:52] Blue: but sort of not nothing that is intentional exercise for about 10 years.

[00:38:58] Gwyn: wild, wild.

[00:39:00] Blue: I did my career change.

[00:39:03] Gwyn: Did you, is there a place in time that you can point to where you knew that people found you attractive?

[00:39:11] Blue: Yeah, I would say it really hit me in my early 30s. I was like, okay, and I was also still. A lot of that plasticy you know, 6 6 pack abs into my thirties. Um, and I flaunted that a bit. I lived in New York City at the time. So,

[00:39:35] Gwyn: Why not?

[00:39:37] Blue: why not? Yeah. And like, I mean, people I would, I would be with would comment. Sometimes it like, yeah, I wore short shorts as a former cyclist. So I showed off my legs a lot.

[00:39:50] Gwyn: Again, I

[00:39:51] Blue: a blast.

[00:39:52] Gwyn: Yeah.

[00:39:54] Blue: Yeah. And like, like looking at it, like I was doing that intentionally, right? You know, there's threads of, my current deviations that, have a history.

[00:40:06] Gwyn: Yeah. But you were probably not so self aware at that point in your early 30s.

[00:40:12] Blue: not

[00:40:13] Gwyn: Yeah, it's amazing how much we keep continuing to grow. Like I frequently find myself going, wow, that's really fascinating that I have this awareness. Why didn't I have this awareness? Whatever, a week ago, six years ago, whatever it is.

[00:40:29] Blue: we call that wisdom.

[00:40:31] Gwyn: right.

[00:40:34] Blue: Wisdom is awareness before it's time.

[00:40:41] Gwyn: Um, well, I'm feeling pretty good. Are there things that we didn't talk about that you want to be sure we talk about?

[00:40:48] Blue: No, this is a fun adventure for me. My first podcast.

[00:40:52] Gwyn: Yay. That's so cool.

[00:40:55] Blue: Thank you.

[00:40:55] Gwyn: So I like to ask everybody one final question, which is a little bit odd in this particular format, but what excites you?

[00:41:03] Blue: Titties. Titties excite me. And also my child. I'm a father, and spending time with my child is really exciting.

[00:41:15] Gwyn: Yeah, that's super cool. And now I want to ask. I'm going to ask anyway, what kind of titties do you have a preference?

[00:41:23] Blue: You know, this is something that's changed in life, right? I think that earlier in life, I wasn't as much of a titty person. I was more of an ass man. but a couple experiences in my early 20s, I really started to admire C cups. My wife now has really big titties. She's like 32 double F, um, which is a blessing and a curse when your breasts are that size, because breasts that size or are not without liability. But,

[00:41:57] Gwyn: she must have horrible back problems,

[00:41:59] Blue: yeah, they're, they're fun on my end of the equation.

[00:42:02] Gwyn: right? Hard for her to find clothes that fit.

[00:42:07] Blue: So I think that also in relationships, something that's interesting is like, really, I've become more and more attracted to my wife over time and more and more attracted to her body and what her body has grown into over time. So my own personal attractions have really grown to, to find her to be more and more physically attractive over time, which is fucking amazing.

[00:42:35] Gwyn: Yeah.

[00:42:36] Blue: Right? Like, I think we joked about this over text, right? But we've, we've both gained weight in our relationship. And in a lot of ways, I find my wife sexier than I did in the beginning.

[00:42:48] Gwyn: Yeah.

[00:42:49] Blue: I found her attractive in the beginning, but I find her sexier now.

[00:42:53] Gwyn: I love that. I really, really love that. And it, and it speaks volumes to who you are as a person too, you know? so I just want to throw that in there. This is, this has been phenomenal. I cannot wait to put it out there.

[00:43:07] Blue: Oh, fun.

[00:43:08] Gwyn: super, super fun.

[00:43:15] I hope you enjoyed that. If you are interested in doing one with me, I would love to talk with you. Please come by the website and hit the talk to me button and let me know, or you can send me an email to Gwyn at earthlydesire. com. I am completely off script at the moment. I've had COVID and so writing an intro and outro, it was just one more step that I could not get through. Whereas if I just turn on the mic and babble.

[00:43:46] Here we are. So, here we are. Uh, I feel like I should be telling you all sorts of things. I don't know what they are because I didn't write it down. But I want to make sure that this gets out on time. So, instead of the enemy being No, wait, how does that go? Right, perfect being the enemy of good. I was like, nope, I'm just gonna roll. Hopefully I'll get something useful out of this.

[00:44:14] Yeah, I don't know. Come visit the website, whatexcitesus. com. I've got some new coaching things in the works, so stay tuned for that. Let me know what you think. Let me know if you'd like to come on and talk with me. Yeah. Other than that, I think I'm good. Thanks so much for listening. Y'all are truly the best. If you enjoy this, please tell one friend. We can spark that conversation and keep it going, help heal the world. You know, tiny, tiny little things like that. And until then, don't forget that you are loved because I love you. You rock.