What Excites Us!

Episode :

Transcript:

[00:00:00] Gwyn: This is a show about sex and sexuality. If you are not supposed to listen or you have delicate ears, please turn back now

[00:00:10] . Hello, and welcome to What Excites Us! This is the show that discusses sex and sexuality throughout time and place. My name is Gwyn Isaacs I'm a sex coach and educator. And I fully believe that by talking about sex and sexuality, we can help alleviate some of the issues that surround it by keeping it in the dark.

[00:00:46] Gwyn: Today's show is gonna be a little different. I am literally in the closet, which I never thought I would be in, since I was 15 and came out quite happily. But I'm in Vermont and I am here because I am having surgery. By the time you hear this, I will be recovering. Hopefully I will be off the pain meds, but one never knows. I really have no idea what to expect. I am having a total hip replacement. So I have nothing to base this on and have no clue. Although most people I know who have had a total hip replacement say wonderful things and that they were functional pretty soon, but I just don't know.

[00:01:31] So I'm recording this the day before my surgery and hopefully will edit it afterwards, cuz I'm kind of done right now. It's amazing how much pain just is exhausting. I'm just tired all the time, but that's irrelevant. This show is about sex and sexuality. And so on today's show, we're gonna go over a little bit of where I'm at and what's happening next. And then I'm gonna answer some questions that have come through that I thought were really interesting. And I thought you might think so too.

[00:02:07] So let me just start with I've been having a little bit of an existential crisis trying to figure out if this is really what I wanna be doing. I've had a lot of tech issues. I've had some episodes that I thought were amazing and then listen to them and they were not at all for various reasons. And so I've been really questioning whether or not this is of value and whether or not it's something that I wanna be doing. And I've heard back from a few folks, not a whole lot of people respond to podcasts, which I get. I am also a podcast listener and I don't respond to a whole lot of my podcasts either. But I have heard from a few folks that they do find it useful.

[00:02:51] And so I'm gonna keep going with it, but because I've had all of these incredible tech issues, editing issues, interview issues, like every kind of issue a person could have while creating a podcast. Okay. Maybe not every kind. I do not want to tempt the fates I've had a lot of issues. And what I've come to, is I feel like these are the obstacles that have been put in place to make me decide, do I really wanna do this? Is this really where I wanna be putting my energy or is now an elegant time to back out and what I've come to is I really do enjoy this. I enjoy talking with people. I enjoy editing I know that's odd, but I really do love editing. And I enjoy getting the podcasts out there and hearing what y'all think. And I love it when someone tells me that something that they heard on the podcast has helped change their mind about something or open them up to something or just even, you know, was interesting, like, oh, I'd never thought about it that way before.

[00:04:07] Like that, that is what I live for. Okay. That's not what I live for, but in terms of doing the podcast, that is absolutely what keeps me going. So yes, I am going to keep doing this podcast. I really enjoy it. I really enjoy hearing what it does for you guys. And I really enjoy making it.

[00:04:30] However, my life is in the midst of some changes. So after my hip surgery, I'm going to be packing and moving from Vermont where I've lived for more than 25 years, which just feels so weird to say and moving full time to Brooklyn. Well, mostly full time to Brooklyn. I'll still have a residence up here in Vermont, but for the most part, my stuff, and my time, most of my energy, we will be in Brooklyn. And for the next couple of months after my hip surgery, I'm gonna be packing this apartment, which is a pretty big undertaking. So while I had no intention of doing seasons and I still don't really wanna call it a season, I am going to be taking a break from the podcast. I worry that if I try to keep putting it out, even at the, every other week rate that I've been doing, other things in my life are gonna fail. And I don't want to let my clients down and I don't want to extend my apartment stay here because it's expensive and it's just time to make that change. So the best way for me to do that is to just sort of put the podcast aside for a little bit. I'm hoping that I'll be able to maybe put out one episode a month. I've got a couple of interviews that I can still work on and edit and put out, but I don't think it's gonna be every other week.

[00:05:56] I hope that's okay with y'all. It's gotta be okay. Cuz that's the way it's gonna be. But you know, I don't wanna just leave everybody hanging disappeared. Like what happened? What happened was I have a lot to do and I will get back to this as soon as I am able. And when I come back to it, I hope that all of my technical issues will be solved. I will have a better sound room, so that things sound cleaner and crisper, and I will have figured out all of the computer end stuff of it that just keeps flummoxing me. So there you go. There's that. [00:06:33] Okay, so this is post-surgery me and I am going slowly. I had hoped to have the episode out when I normally put these out, but I'm running a little late. Between the extreme heat and humidity and the land without air conditioning and surgery and pain. It's just going a little bit slower. That being said, I am recovering well, the surgery went well, PT is going fine.

[00:07:07] It's just, I'm a little slower than I had hoped.

[00:07:11] Now onto the more fun stuff. I've gotten one really great quote, unquote beginners question. And one really great quote, unquote, advanced question that I wanna share with you all. Beginner's question. How do I begin to masturbate? Okay. So clearly, this is from a vulva owner. Most penis owners don't have this trouble. But many folks with vulvas, who were socialized to be little girls, were often taught that it was dirty or there was something wrong or that they just didn't touch there. And so they basically shut it down, whether or not you come from a purity culture or you weren't motivated to begin with, or what have you, they've grown up into adults and now they've really just don't know what it is that will feel good.

[00:08:12] So the answer, and it's a little bit of a long-winded one, of how do I begin to masturbate is the first part of that answer is to accept that it's okay. And not only that it's okay, but that it's delicious that it's delightful that it will bring great pleasure once you figure out what works for you. Because the next part of the answer is it's different for everyone. So what I recommend to folks who have begun their journey of physical exploration is to view it that way. Instead of thinking that as a goal-oriented thing, to just explore what feels good in yourself.

[00:09:03] Now for a lot of clients, I've genuinely recommend taking yourself out on a date. A one person date, and you don't have to go out, you could stay in light, some candles, take a bath. But really engage in your senses. Do, what feels good to you. Are you a foodie? Then spend some money and get some delicious food.

[00:09:25] Are you into movies? Great. Go see a movie. Maybe you like to go hiking. Fantastic. Take your body on a hike and really take the time to relish yourself. Whatever that means. And then when you get home and you're in a relaxed mood, maybe you want to loosen yourself up a little bit with a glass of wine. I wouldn't recommend getting drunk, but just a little bit of a loosening of the inhibitions can help quite a bit and then touch yourself.

[00:10:01] Don't just go right to the vulva. Touch your arms, stroke your chest with your fingers. What does it feel like when you're touching your breasts with the back of your hand? What does it feel like when you're rubbing your belly? Does it feel good? Does it give you tingles? Does it feel bad? Pay attention to these things and just enjoy yourself. Maybe you wanna give yourself a nice little foot rub? Maybe you wanna soak in some hot water? Lots of people enjoy using the shower head as a way to pleasure yourself. When you are feeling relaxed, when your body is feeling heightened, when you are in that place where things just feel delicious. It smells nice. There's good music on whatever it is that takes you to that place. Then. Start to touch your vulva. And start by really focusing on the outside. Don't dive into your clitoris, just stroke your outer labia. If you have hair, maybe you wanna try giving it a little tug. If not just rub the inner labia, and then as it opens up a little bit, you might feel the desire to touch the inner labia and really let your vulva speak to you. It might be that it takes more than one time to get to this place. And that's okay. The thing is, is that there's no rush. There's no, hurry. This isn't a race. It's all about what feels good to you!

[00:11:50] Some folks really enjoy having audio or reading a book to even get into the mood. There's a really great site called Literotica that you can have people tell you stories. There's audio and there's written stories. Maybe you like porn, go ahead and go watch some porn. Whatever it is that gets you in that mood is okay. Now when you get to the place that you are indeed stroking your vulva and your clitoris starts to want some attention, give it some attention. And again, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Some folks really, really enjoy direct pressure. Some folks cannot stand it! And everything in between. I know some people who like to have their clit stroked as if it was a little tiny cock. I know some folks who only want it blown on. Everything is okay.

[00:12:52] If you would rather try to get involved in some toys. There are so many toys out there. The first thing. Oh, and I should have said this before. Invest in some lube, good lube. There are lots of different kinds of lubes. I would go ahead and allocate some funds for this. There are links on my website. If you wanna do that, that also helps me out a little bit, but you don't have to, you could just go and get some cheap lube and try that out. I would recommend good lube but any lube is useful, more lube than you think is useful. So as I was saying, you might wanna invest in some toys. Maybe you are someone who really enjoys internal sensations, then you're gonna wanna get a dildo shaped toy. Maybe you don't need the internal stimulation. Most folks don't. About 75% of people with clitorises need stimulation on their clitoris to get off. I would say another 25% of those also prefer to have internal stimulation at the same time.

[00:14:02] If you don't know where you are. That's okay. You get to play. This is all just a big playground. Your body is a Wonderland. Yeah. So anyway, if you enjoy internal stimulation, go ahead and get yourself a toy or, you know, a carrot, a cucumber, you can stick a condom on there and then you have a super cheap toy. Definitely use a condom though, please. Because you don't wanna put things that are not clean inside you. It just leads to mess. If you don't want internal stimulation, that's awesome. But if you still want a toy. I would recommend one of the suction ones. There's a rose one now that's very, very pretty. If you have hand issues or if that's too short of a toy, maybe one of the longer like the satisfier or the womanizer, I think they call it. Those are great. If you like just vibration, there is always the magic wand. It's sort of the go to of vibrators for many, many folks, but that is, as the ladies on Shameless Sex, recently said that is the master's degree of vibrators. If you're new to this, you don't need to get the super high end, super powerful vibe. Any sort of vibrator will do.

[00:15:24] Whatever it is that you choose to do, keep in mind that it's about pleasure. And if it stops feeling pleasurable, then stop. You don't need to worry about it today. Maybe tonight's not your night. Again, there is no need to rush to orgasm. None of that. The goal here, if you wanna have a goal is to just feel good. And so when it stops feeling good stop. But come back to it because you are worth feeling good. Your body contains so much possibility and there is no need to not. Hmm. I'm just gonna leave it at that your body contains all the possibilities. Now. I'm pretty sure I'm leaving some things out. So if you have questions, please, please, please, please, please let me know what they are.

[00:16:23] I am just riffing off the top of my head, so I have no idea if I'm being clear or not. So you can go to my website. Whatexcitesus.com there's a little place that you can record a message to me. It's anonymous. You can leave me your email if you want, but you don't have to. I'd love to hear what you think of this. I'd love to hear if you have questions, if I'm leaving something out, if it all feels very unsure, just let me know.

[00:16:52] Now for the advanced question. And I thought this was so good! This person sent me an email and told me that their partner really, really wanted to be peed inside of while they were having sex. She is super into water sports, and she just thought that having the pee inside of her while they were fucking would be amazing. So there were a couple of questions that came up for them. One, is that even possible for a penis owner to pee while still having a hard on? And two, is it safe? Is it going to bring up any health concerns? I was so psyched to get this question I can't even tell you guys. The fact that they are thinking about it, planning it, and then reaching out to ask for actual information, just made my little heart go pitter, pat.

[00:17:46] So the first part, is it even possible? Yes, but it takes practice because of the way the penis is built. There is one tube, the urethra that both the semen and urine come out of, basically there's a little valve inside that flips in one direction or another. So when the penis is hard, it blocks off the bladder so that the semen can come out. However mind over matter, right? We have the capability to do so many more things than we think is possible. So with practice, you can indeed override that. So that you can pee while you're hard. Now, most men cannot be rock hard and pee, but if you let yourself deflate a little bit, then you can urinate. So cool! Bodies are so cool.

[00:18:53] The second part, is it safe? Are there health concerns that need to be considered? The answer is yes and no. So if you're a vulva owner, you likely already know that virtually anything, now some people are more sensitive than others, can affect both the pH balance and bacterial or yeast issues down there. I mean, yeah, if you just sneeze funny, some vulva owners get yeast infections, you know, I mean, okay that's a little extreme, but like for real, I knew somebody who had issues with different brands of toilet paper. Some people are super sensitive. Some people are not, if you're super sensitive, clearly you are gonna make that risk assessment on your own. But for most of us having sex with different people or different toys, or if your toy is super clean, can affect whether or not you get a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis. As someone who deals with BV frequently, it's kind of a pain. But it's not like an actual physical pain. It's just, Ugh. No, I gotta go take antibiotics again, kind of pain.

[00:20:07] Same with pH balance. So generally vaginal pH is between 3.8 and 4.5. If it gets a little out of whack that can also lead to yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. So we wanna try and keep that in that realm. So let's back up for a second. Urine is sterile until it hits the air. So if it's not hitting the air between the time that it leaves the penis and enters the vagina, it's still sterile. So the only issue there would be adjusting the pH, or if the penis isn't clean, then that's what you're gonna deal with anyway. Now there is a chance that it could affect it negatively, but it's really not much more than any other play time with any other behavior.

[00:21:02] There's also a product out there called refresh that helps the vagina maintain the appropriate pH balance. So in general, if water sports are your thing, and this is something super interesting, I say, go for it. You know, make sure everything's clean, but hopefully you're kind of doing that anyway. And have a great time. I would highly recommend putting down some towels or a nice pad beforehand, cuz it will get a little messy, but that's part of the fun, isn't it?

[00:21:39] Okay. I think that's it. Yeah. So I'm gonna go have my hip taken out. I will be recovering when y'all hear this wish me luck and super quick moving vibes and I'll be back. Please. Keep in touch. I really I'd love to hear from you. You cannot understand how much it thrills me to hear from listeners. Join my Patreon. Talk to me about discord. I'm doing that too. Although it's also a little bit quiet right now and yeah, I'll be back.

[00:22:17] This show is hosted, edited and all the things done by me, Gwyn Isaacs. Music used is under the creative commons attribution license, including my theme song, which is written by Steven Kartenberg the show is hosted at tickle.life. They have lots of great content for you. Please go check them out, and stay tuned. I appreciate you. Thank you so much.