What Excites Us!

HI! OMG, I Made a Podcast! Ok deep breath. This episode is truly an introduction. I introduce myself and the format of the show in general. I also finish off with some tips to use and spice up your sex life with your partners right away. 

I truly want this to be interactive. Please ask me questions, tell me stories, let me know what you think of the show. It’s super easy to do anonymously. Go to the website,  WhatExcitesUs.com and press the button that says Start Recording. You could answer my question of the week while you are there too, and then tune in to hear if I use your answer in upcoming episodes. Email works too, I’m gwyn@earthlydesire.com 
Please subscribe or follow the show to get new episodes as soon as they are released!

Pertinent websites:
EarthlyDesire.com - my coaching website
Sex Coach U - Where I received my first certification
Heybeads.com - My curated vintage and deadstock bead website
My colleague with a fantastic podcast - Good Girls Talk About Sex

We are hosted by Tickle.life
All Music used is Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license 
This episode includes:

Harmony by PolyPlus - (c) copyright 2021 http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/polyplus/63962 

Talk to Me by urmymuse - (c) copyright 2015 - http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/urmymuse/51523 Ft: Per

The Vendetta by Stefan Kartenberg - (c) copyright 2018 Apoxode http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/JeffSpeed68/58628 Ft: Apoxode

The Transcript:

Hello and welcome to What Excites Us, the show that answers the question “am I normal?” by talking about sex and sexuality throughout time and place including the here and now from a variety of perspectives and lenses. To be very clear this is a show about adult themes and not suitable for children. So if you are a kid, go play. 

Intro Music

Oh my gosh, hi everyone. I’m gwyn and welcome to the first ever episode of What Excites Us. I’m super glad you decided to join me. I’m a certified intimacy coach and pleasure educator who has been professionally helping people enjoy themselves, their bodies, and their relationships since 2017. My goal with this show is to emphasize that you really are okay. Since this is episode one and truly an introduction, let me tell you a bit more about me, and then we’ll get into the first segment. 

I became a sex coach when I realized it was a thing, because I didn’t want anyone else to suffer like I did. I spent years being confused and ashamed based on what I wanted sexually. When I was figuring this all out the internet was still baby dial up and fantasies like mine were only found in Victorian English pulp novels. Finding other folks helped me realize that I’m not broken and there isn’t anything wrong with me. And that’s why I wanna bring this show to you.

Other things I have done in my life include owning a vintage store and running a music department for a community radio station. I have made jewelry, sold art, and worked plenty of service industry jobs. I do genealogy, I’m an obsessive thrift store shopper, and I love my plants. I also own a vintage, zero waste beads business with my college bestie where we specialize in curated collections. I have two grown kids and three step kids although my partner and I don’t live together anymore. I identify as pansexual, polyamorous, and kinky, with she/her pronouns. 

Whew, that was a lot. But really, this isn’t a show about me, it’s a show about sex and sexuality. Each show will have a theme and we will talk with experts and regular folks, discuss definitions, and have some conversations. I will share interesting information from history and other cultures, and will talk about how things are today in our society. I think it helps to know that very little under the sun is new and that whatever you’re into, however you want to present yourself, is ok. Alright, MOST things you are into and MOST of the ways you want to present yourself are okay. I’ll talk more about that in a minute. You might also need to know, there’s always someone out there who wants to enjoy it with you. If you want that, of course. So back to the caveat back there about most things, the one thing that really isn’t ever okay is when any aspect of what it is you’re into  sexually or presentation wise doesn’t include consent. I’m sure you were all thinking “Well, I’d never rape anyone, so I’m okay” and yay, good, I’m glad that isn’t an issue. But I’m also talking about full nudity with unsuspecting folks, activities that weren’t talked about, pressuring someone, and then of course, back to the obvious, the many ways that we can do actual harm. Now, I just wanna get those things out of the way because I wanna be clear that when I say everything, I really mean almost everything. But that’s cumbersome to say, almost everything, and I wanna believe that you are thinking people who know this. And if you have psychosis, please seek help. And if you need clarification on anything in particular or  general please ask. I guess the TLDR is harming folks is bad, consent and conversation is good. Got it? We’re Clear? Good. 

And now, allow me to introduce you to our first segment. Every week we will have a question of the week, and you can answer it on our webpage, whatexcitesus.com there is a button about midway through the top of the page that says “start recording”. Right above that is the question of the week, and it’s completely anonymous, you don’t have to leave me any information, although you certainly can. I invite you to please answer the question of the week and record any other question or comments or even stories you might want to share. We also talk to random people on the street to ask them “What’s the Word?”

Music interlude
“How do you define sex?”
*Deep, rich chuckle* 
“uhhhh”
“Probably extremely broadly.”
“I think I’m still defining it for myself actually.”
“Sex is what makes me tingle”
“A sensual moment… a physical sensual moment with a partner.. Or partners? I dunno.”
“Oh my gosh. *giggling*  I I feel like sex is fire of life, you know?”
“Uh there was a time where I might’ve been able to answer, you know, like sex is fucking, but there’s so much more.”
“Well there’s a lot to it, it takes, it doesn’t necessarily take more than one to tango, but I guess the, part of the goal is pleasure. Uh for some copulation. There’s really no one definition.”
*Car horn blares*
“Yes”
“I think sex is whatever someone believes to be sex” 
Music interlude

Medical dictionary at freedictionary.com says it is “sexual activity or intercourse, and also genital interaction.” Most sexologists use this definition as well. Let’s hear that again, “sexual activity or intercourse, and genital interaction.” This means many more things besides intercourse are also sex. This can be great. Some reasons to adopt this definition include that it eliminates the concept of foreplay. Foreplay is usually seen as LESSER than the main event. And since, statistically speaking, some folks don’t feel fully satisfied with what happens during foreplay, this can be revolutionary. It can also help you have a conversation to clearly define what cheating means in your relationship. Have you ever had a frank discussion with your partner about what those lines are? For instance, some folks are uncomfortable when their lover flirts during a quick, anonymous interaction, say with the barista. Whereas other people live completely polyamourously and only feel wronged if the mutually agreed upon guidelines are not followed. But if they are, then even intercourse can be on the table as an option. So what is YOUR definition of sex? 

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“This feels good but do I look fat?”
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I wanna speak a little bit about how I said at the beginning “this show is designed to be a conversation.” I wanna hear from you. I want to know your thoughts about what I’m talking about and suggestions for topics. I wanna hear your questions, things that you’re worried about, or things that you want advice on how to do better next time. I also wanna hear things you wanna share because it was awesome. Within reason of course. Please do not attempt to pick me up, or play me sounds of fucking, or just generally be a jerk. Nobody wants that. You can talk to me super easy. I mentioned this as a part of the What’s the Word segment, but let me tell you a little bit more about it now. If you go to the podcast webpage, whatexcitesus.com, there’s a button that you can click and record up to several minutes worth of information. You can tell me who you are or you don’t have to tell me who you are. You can also send me an email at gwyn@earthlydesire.com. All of this will be in the show notes, but super easy, go to the website, click the button, and tell me a story. I’d really really love to hear from you.

*ADVERTISEMENT*
Background music plays
This episode of What Excites Us is brought to you by me! I’m gwyn Isaacs and besides being your podcast host I’m a certified sex coach and educator, and right now, I have some openings  for text based clients. I LOVE coaching over email and text! It allows you to be open and vulnerable in ways that may feel too difficult in person, which lets us tackle the concerns you have at your own pace. Very few of us were taught how to have sex. Most of us are feeling our way through the dark hoping we get it right. I can help you build skills in the bedroom and navigate your intimate relationships. I have two ways you can sign up to start texting with me right away. When you go to earthlydesire.com/coaching, you will find a weekly subscription for daily correspondence, and a way to schedule a live, one-hour text chat. Visit earthlydesire.com to start on your path to more pleasure today. You deserve it.
*END ADVERTISEMENT*

So now I’ve talked about the what, and I wanna talk about the why. As I mentioned earlier, my main goal with this show is to normalize the incredibly vast variety of sexual expressions and activities in hopes that you will see through the pervasive myths that you have to be or behave a certain way to be quote unquote normal. Normal is a word most therapists and sexologists try to ban from their vocabulary. Usually when my clients ask me if they are normal, they are really asking if they are natural and not some sort of deranged, perverted sex weirdo. And when it comes to sex, there really is no standard. People enjoy eroticism in a huge range of ways, doing what feels good is good. Again, as long as you aren’t harming anyone, and that includes yourself.  

So let me just get to the personal for a minute here. I am a kinky person, I like intensity, and I like my sex that way too. It wasn’t until my late thirties that I truly began to deeply believe that I was not broken. I sort of knew intellectually that I was okay, I’d been reading some books and finding small amounts of information on the baby internet -as I said, this was the 90s - and that definitely helped a lot. When I found someone who wanted to play the way I did, I began to truly believe it. Now I can’t find you a lover, but I can help you find the vocabulary and the understanding so you can talk about it when someone sparks your interest.  

So why do we have these personally limiting beliefs? Well, most of us were raised by families who didn’t talk about these subjects at all. A few of us were able to have some basic conversations with our parents or caregivers but it was often too late. A lot of us were completely shut down when it came to any aspect about our bodies at all. Nothing beyond basic hygiene was discussed and we were told we were bad or dirty for experiencing basic and healthy curiosity. Even the tiny amount of people who were able to have meaningful conversations with their elders were also still getting messages and information from their schools, their religious institutions, other kids, and the media. And our media, as you probably know, is hugely problematic, especially when it comes to anything even remotely related to sexuality or romance.  It’s a miracle if anyone gets through all of that without any confusion and shame.  

Speaking of which, I wanna draw our attention to a term that has become a putdown. It originated in the kink community, where it used to indicate that somebody was interested in non-kinky sexual activities. It has hit the beginnings of the mainstream media, and I want to do my part to actively disagree with it being in any way shape, or form “basic”, meaning bad. And that word is “vanilla”.  I mean, first of all, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a more typical sex life. And, basics are important. If we don’t master the basics, then it’s tough to do the more advanced things. As my honey says, you can’t have an amazing chocolate cake without vanilla. It’s crucial. It ties it all together and amplifies the flavors. So I would consider it a personal favor if you would stop acting like vanilla sex is bad. And, feel free to tell your friends too. And go ahead and feel free to blame that on me.  

Alright, last topic before the final segment. I wanna give you one concrete takeaway that you can use to start having better sex with your partner today. And that is to have more conversations. I know, I know what does conversations have to do with anything? It sounds boring. But, it doesn’t have to be, and it will work wonders. Do you talk about sex now with your partner? I mean REALLY talk about it, the specifics? This can be the most important way to be clear about what you and they want and you both want to be doing. Here are some ideas that are not boring. I promise.  

You can talk about fantasies you might wanna try. We all have fantasies. Many of them should stay that way. For instance, 75% of women have rape fantasies. I don’t know a single woman who actually wants to be raped. But what are the things that you might want to try? Maybe some light bondage, or you’ve always wanted to have sex in the shower. Maybe experiment with some toys or some temperature sensations like ice or candles. There’s no guarantee that your partner will wanna do these things with you, but you won’t know unless you talk about it. AND, you have the added advantage of having some sexy talk, which can truly be foreplay. 

Try engaging in pillow talk to discuss what you liked or what you didn’t like about the sexy time before. Some folks go so far as to rate each session on a scale of 1-10. Before sex you can talk about the mood of the activities you wanna have. Playful, loving, intense, slow and dreamy, or anything. We have sex for lots of different reasons. If you can connect and tune in to the same frequency, it will be much better for both of you. Or all of you for that matter.  

Here’s another one. You can text and tease each other leading up to a date night. Then by the time you get to it, you’ll both be excited and ready.  

One more bonus tip, try one of my favorite activities to suggest to my clients. It’s called Show and Tell. Just like when you were little, but way sexier. You can demonstrate to your lover exactly how you like to be touched. This could also be mixed into some role play, like playing doctor, student, or captive, or just fun being the two of you. It can get silly, or it can be informative, or it can just be you two enjoying each other. 

Which leads us to our last segment, The Conversation. This is where I will play or read the messages you have sent. Maybe you have questions or comments to share. Please do.  Please please do. And you can do so by visiting the show’s webpage, whatexcitesus.com. Today we have a question from the internet. 

 Background music
“Is sex physically good for you?”
The answer is yes. Engaging in sexual activities is great for your body in both short term and long term ways. It doesn’t even have to be with a partner. Sex can relieve stress and improve sleep by releasing hormones and other brain chemicals that create a sense of peace and relaxation. Sex is great exercise and good for your heart, reducing blood pressure and even using up calories. So go ahead, have that extra slice of pizza, just plan on some marathon athletics after dinner. Orgasms can ease menstrual cramps and other forms of pain in the immediate and for several hours. So the old joke about not wanting to have sex because of a headache is backwards. Sex can actually cure your headache! Having sex can help with incontinence because it strengthens the pelvic floor muscles. There’s some evidence that suggests that having regular sex can help build up your immune system and keep prostate cancer at bay, which is pretty amazing in my opinion. Lastly, having sex can raise your libido which will encourage you to have it more often, which is just generally a win win win. 

Welp, that’s it for this time. Be sure to tune into our next episode where our first vocal exhibitionist will tell us all about how her kinky and polyamorous dreams are coming true. 

If you have a story you’d like to tell, please pitch me on the website whatexcitesus. If you like what you hear, and even if you don’t, please rate and review the podcast and tell your friends. 

What Excites Us is produced, written, and edited by me, gwyn Isaacs. All music used is under the creative commons attributions license and this episode includes The Vendetta by Steven Kartenburg and Talk to Me by Urmymuse. Thanks for listening, you are appreciated.